Living dangerously.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeReese1006
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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I like to cook dangerously

I take whisks in the kitchen

πŸ‘︎ 190
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reactionmeme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I decided to live more dangerously, so I took the rear-view mirror out of my car.

I've made my decision and there is no looking back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Singing dangerously
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grimreefer42O
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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The world's most dangerous pun?

I had to fly from Atlanta to Chicago yesterday.

After I just gone through the security checkpoint and was putting my belt back on and all the other crap from that plastic tub they make you run through the scanner, I handed it back to one of the TSA agents and told him he should not carry too many of those at once.

Why?

Because he'd be Bin Laden.

He laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimMarch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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I'll never vaccinate my kids, that's stupid, irresponsible, and dangerous.

I'd get the doctor to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_world_thin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?

Islip

:D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elesde
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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My daughter’s creation: Who is the fourth most dangerous supervillain?

Poison IV.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GovernorZipper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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What is the most dangerous group of instrument players?

Violins

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlockyShapes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What diner meal is dangerous for vampires?

Stake and eggs (sunny side up, of course)

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaChuteQuiMarche
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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Danger Noodle pun *hisssss* 🐍
πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesDesign11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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So I started dating an OBGYN that said her job was more dangerous than mine.

So I asked what her riskiest encounter was. She said she did not know, but she learned early to give mothers with fat babies a wide berth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/numberthu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I tried to warn my now deceased son about the dangers of Russian roulette...

It went in one ear and out of the other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Who's the most dangerous celebrity?

Britney 'Spears'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abowlofspicyramen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Did you know being a minute is the most dangerous job on the planet?

Because every 60 seconds, a minute passes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TitanGuppie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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My wife told me it's too dangerous to put away dishes in the dark

I said "it's a whisk I'm willing to take"

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrightHausJon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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I was looking for danger but I couldn't find any.

Turns out safety search was on.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jubulus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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When are rip tides dangerous?

Current-ly

You're welcome, I'll be here all week!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spicoli0525
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Don’t join dangerous cults.

Practice Safe Sects.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.

I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lethalmouse
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Why are my threats about farts so dangerous?

I always follow through

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurryBubble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Changed all my passwords to Kenny.

Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pugglepoops
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Eating rare chicken is dangerous, and even lethal sometimes.

It would be a pretty fowl way to go.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sammin4932
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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What s the most dangerous animal in 2020?

The panda, because of the pandamic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daouaich
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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What's yellow, grey and very dangerous?

A shark in a bowl of custard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabz09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?

Sir Render

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shininglice
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why is it so dangerous to rob a kitchen?

Because you're taking whisks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chikenfriedchiken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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After a few recent posts, I now realize just how dangerous math really is.

I mean, just look at all those explosions after math!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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The animals in Australia are dangerous

but they’re the most dangerous in Queensland because they can move in any direction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sweettongued1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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Yall make fun of dad jokes. But they are the only sfw jokes around.

Seriously the workplace is becoming dangerous. One wrong joke and your HR dpt will hate you. Dad jokes are innocuous, very safe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Truly-Spooky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
For sale: Book titled "The Dangers of Materialism"

Β£150

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation.

The first page says, β€œYou’re not helping!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What is the most dangerous insect?

The hepatitis bee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."

"She became a little spore addict."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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Guys, I think my friend is addicted to spending money on female Twitch streamers

He's showing dangerous simptoms

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitefury07
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I got kicked out of karaoke after singing β€œDanger Zone” nine times in a row.

Too many Loggins attempts.

πŸ‘︎ 455
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Grave digging such a dangerous job?

Because they have one foot in the grave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteaminScaldren
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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In the old Wild West there was a notorious gang of dangerous outlaws, they’d just attacked a town.

The sheriff decided that he needed to stop them so he rounded up his deputies and they rode out in search of the gang.

After a couple of days everyone was tired and hungry so one of the deputies rode up to sheriff and said β€œLook sheriff we are all too tired, why don’t you guys rest up here and I’ll ride 4 miles north and two miles east and see if I can’t find us some grub?, I’ll be back by morning”

The sheriff agrees and off the deputy rides 4 miles north and two miles east.

The next morning the deputy returns with all his packs full of bacon! The sheriff says β€œwhere the hell did you get all that bacon out here in the middle of nowhere!”

Deputy says β€œwell you see sheriff I rode 4 miles north and 2 miles east and I swear to god there’s this bacon tree just sitting there! A tree that is full of bacon!”

β€œBullshit!” Says the sheriff β€œyou stay here I’m going to check this out!”

So off the sheriff rides the same as the deputy did.

The next morning the deputy see’s the sheriff crawling towards the camp with arrows sticking out of his back.

Deputy says to the sheriff β€œ Boss what the hell happened!”

The sheriff looks up from the ground and says β€œBACON TREE, BACON TREE, that wasn’t a damn bacon tree you idiot it was a Hambush!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FleetChief
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:

'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnexampledSalt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Today I found out that roofing in the summer heat can be really dangerous.

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES ARE IN YOUR AREA.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Great, just got kicked out of the karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone five times.

Apparently I exceeded the maximum number of attempted Loggins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sattoth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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What's a skeleton's favorite type of danger?

Grave danger.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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This is dangerous on so many levels
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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I won't vaccinate my kids it's way to dangerous

I'd rather let the doctor do it

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MineFighter010
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Don't join dangerous cults.

Practice safe sects!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I changed all my passwords to Kenny.

Now I have Kenny Loggins.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report

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