One is a plain flower, the other is a self-raising flower!
My son asked, β Why is my name Richard?β
Because sweet creams are made of cheese
Turns out she was a plant.
A Collie-flower!
And to his sons he gives sunflowers.
"Rey-Bans!"
Thistle definitely get her attention
they'll call her Raisy Didley.
My wife: "Honey after you get a vasectomy you have to go to regular check ups so we don't get a whoopsie daisey" Me: "Or a whoopsie Tommy or a whoopsie Bobby"
Whoopsie-daisy
it rose
https://preview.redd.it/wxa25n2a58c51.png?width=2478&format=png&auto=webp&s=8e61299d08db7234a2776473a1ad3c254e04ee80
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artifically inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
In all honesty, I didnβt know she sold flowers.
Whoβs there?
Daisy.
Daisy who?
Daisy me rollinβ they hatinβ
Son: Whose there?
Dad: Daisy
Son: Daisy who?
Dad: Daisy me rollin, they hatin
My daughter was meeting Daisy Duck at Disney world this morning and Daisy was signing her autograph book. I mentioned to the Disney cast member who was taking the photos that I didn't know that Daisy was left handed. The cast member said "Maybe she's ambidextrous" to which I replied "I think you mean ambiDUCKstrous".
I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.
We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.
And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.
But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.
But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."
I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.
Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.
Whoops, E-Daisies!
They both sit and start chatting
Son : how was your doctors appointment?
Dad: good!the doctor gave me different medication for my memory loss
Son : oh really ? What are the name of the pills?
Dad : ( struggling to remember ) oohh...uhhh.... something to do with flowers but I canβt remember
Son: tulips ?
Dad: no , theyβre very popular and everyone loves them .
Son : daisies?
Dad : no! They are bright red and romantic
Son : rose ?
Dad: YES. He loudly yells ROSE, WHAT ARE THE PILLS CALLED THAT THE DOCTOR GAVE ME?
A Whoopsi-Daisy
Oops e-daisies.
The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....
The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.
Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:
βThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because itβs such a terrible idea... in fact, Iβm willing to bet on it. If Iβm wrong, and they donβt repeal it, Iβll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if Iβm right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a yearβ.
The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and wonβt be repealed. So he says βdealβ.
The beef farmer carries on:
βActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that Iβll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, Iβm willing to bet on it. If Iβm wrong, and this policy doesnβt mean I need to sell half my cows, Iβll give you free steaks for a year. But if Iβm right, and I do need to sell half my cows, you have to give me your prized boar, pumbaβ.
The pig farmer is confident that the beef farmer wonβt need to sell any cows. So he says βdealβ.
12 months pass following the introduction of the live export ban. The government hasnβt repealed the policy, but unfortunately the beef farmer has had to sell most of his cows.
Both farmers reconvene at the pub. The beef farmer says to the pig farmer:
βWell, it seems you were right about one thing but wrong about the other...
So... You may have won the cattle, but youβve lost the boar!β.
it's called "oopsie daisies"
GF: Hey, he's pretty good. What does he do now?
Me: Pushing daisies.
GF: What kind of job is that?
Me: A dead-end job.
Girlfriend: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Girlfriend: Daisy
Me: Daisy who?
Girlfriend: DAISY ME ROLLIN', THEY HATIN'
Friend: Knock-knock. Me: ...Who's there? Friend: Daisy. Me: Daisy wh- Friend: DAISY ME ROLLIN, DEY HATINNNN
Half of my coworkers had new drivers installed to fix a image view problem. I am still waiting. Co-worker "I hit the new driver" Me "I want a new driver, just call me Miss Daisy"
