Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...

Me: Why?

Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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If you name your daughter Margarita, when she talks back or gets sassy you can say,

"I didn't ask for salt on the rim Margarita!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bthemau
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I don't like orange liquer in a Margarita or a Cosmopolitan.

It's a Cointreau-versial opinion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoAdenine
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Hey son, ya know why we put salt on the rim of our margaritas?

To keep in the spirits!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PokefanCyrus
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2018
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It's national margarita day

My wife : wanna go to the mexican returaunt tonight?

Me : Sorry, I mexican't.

Update: We went anyway. So I guess I mexicould...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlobbyChong
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?

TEQUILA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that1kiddx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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Here's a list of foods that sound like euphemisms

Bloody Mary, Bulgogi

Fish Tacos

Corned beef, Crab Salad, Clams, Creamcicle

Fruit Roll-Ups

Jerked Beef

Kumquat

NutterButter

Red Hots

Pigs in Blanket, Pot Stickers, Pulled Pork

Spotted dick, Stuffed Peppers

Tuna Melt, Twizzlers

Virgin Margarita

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhinobird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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Straight for the jugular

In a group chat with my mom and dad discussing meeting up for dinner.

Mom : ok. We are on the way. We usually get a table in the bar area.

Me : well I'm sitting at the bar drinking a margarita. If you can't find me, check the floor.

Dad : they sweep the trash out every 15 min, so don't fall off the bar stool.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kimlyginge
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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GF and I were watching TV and the show is advertising cocktails that taste of pizza.

I turned to my GF and asked her if the cocktails were β€˜Margaritas’. She, of course, was not impressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhavs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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Dadjoked My Dad Last Night

I was eating with my folks last night. My dad wants to split a margarita with my mom. So he asks the waitress if he can order one. She then tells him that the freezing machine is down and he can't have one. I said, "Well that's not cool." The waitress rolls her eyes, and a tear streams down my dads face as he congratulates me on the joke. I've never been so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biglineman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
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I was a bartender for a night . . .

I said to my 13 year old. He's at that age when he is starting to think he knows everything because he knows why salt makes ice melt.

He knows I'm a teetotaler.

"What do you know about making drinks?" he says sneeringly.

"I know how to make some drinks."

"Like what?"

"I know how to make rum and coke. I know how to make gin and tonic. I know how to make Shirley Temples."

There is a snort there.

"I know how to make vodka cranberries. I know how to make margaritas. I know how to make red wine."

He finishes the fries he is eating at the counter island in the kitchen and starts to head out of the room.

"Do you know how to make a red wine?" I call after him.

He turns around and looks at me, still chewing.

"How"

"Tell them about 1991."

"What?"

"That is when the Soviet Union fell, all the reds were whining."

True story.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2016
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