Colonel Sanders started playing classical guitar.

It's finger pickin' good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dulkan13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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Did you hear about the temple to Colonel Sanders on the Yucatan?

It's called the Chicken Eatza.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevinh456
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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It's safe to assume that, once someone rises to the rank of Colonel, they will continue to be promoted.

Though I guess that's just a generalization.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DthAlchemist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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What’s the Colonel’s favorite soccer team?

KFC

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksilog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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The other day my colonel asked me why I refuse to use artillery in battle

So I told him 'it's a total overkill'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soviet_Komrade
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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Where does Colonel Sanders keep his armies?

...in his sleevies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bailout911
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Why did Colonel Sanders cross the road?

To get to other other thighs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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KFC's Colonel is a "Dad" if you check out the twitter page.

@KFC has over 1 million followers, but only follows 11 people

5 Spice girls, and 6 guys named Herb

11 Herbs & Spices

(Seriously, check it out https://twitter.com/kfc)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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Did you hear about the famous German Colonel who left the military?

He was a hot dog of a soldier until the kraut mustard out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2016
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Which officers tell the corniest jokes?

The Colonels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Possibly_a_stoat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Major Spoiler
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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The crowd doesn’t deserve MC-Dino...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbs3
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Driftwood
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zman4
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Humans get chicken pox while chickens dont get human pox.

Colonel Sanders just found a way to get back at those little bastards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Old Macdonald’s son decided to join the army instead of farming.

He is now E.I. G.I.Joe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Why not.

So a few days ago, during school my friend sitting next to me (in Social Studies) was reading off a few of the Generals form WW2. So I lean over and say, "I think that list should be on the main page under... General... Information". He hated it. Them I say " what you wanted a... colonel... Of hope." And he said " why me".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Havefun887
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearsquidinshell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
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What's your worst funniest dad joke?

I'm taking a new job and moving to a new state. I throw out dad jokes whenever I can. I want to leave our work group chat with a great send off. What's your worst, but funniest dad joke?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GBman37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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Jokes I didn't need to hear from my Dad s01e01

My mom had surgery on her arm today. When she got out, my dad was joking with the nurse asking when she'd be able to vacuum, do the dishes, etc. Nurse just rolled her eyes at everything.

My mom in an attempt to curb his joking, said 'By the way, honey, the doctor said no sex for a month'

He responds instantly with 'Okay, what'd the dentist say?'

Took my mom a minute to get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whatevers_clever
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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Major Spoiler Alert imgur.com/e7pGTVl
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xela552
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
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What do you call a snack that is in the army?

The Popcorn Colonel

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Pets, puns and dictators

Help wanted from r/puns!

I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.

My ideas so far:

Adolf Kitler

Chairman miaow

Kitty Amin

Ho chi(huahua) Min

Robert Pugabi

Colonel Catdafi

Saddam Hussaint Bernard

Benito Pussolini

Fidel Catstro

I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddallthat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
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I saw my chance and I took it! I like to think my Dad taught me well.

So I work asphalt maintenance (crackseal). Saturday I had a special note on the contract that said "Only do Major Cracks". Working at a Browning facility it made me think military. So at the end of the day I called up my boss and I just couldn't hold it back anymore. "Sorry, I didn't see Major Cracks, but There was a Colonel Mustard and a Captain Crunch, but I didn't do them as was requested".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vyrot89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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I got dad-joked by someone attending an opera last night.

I was ripping ticket stubs for an opera performance at my college last night when an older gentleman handed me his ticket and said, "I'm a colonel. Is that still okay?" His wife and I were a bit confused, but I said yes, that was perfectly fine.

"Well this ticket says 'General Admission,' but I'm only a colonel."

His wife groaned and I laughed. Highlight of my night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffIsTheCorn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2016
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Who really fried my public image by calling me a chicken?

Colonel Slanders

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superpond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2012
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Dad asked me about my education

Dad: Can you double major?

Me: I already am a double major

Dad: Can you triple major?

Me: No, that's not allowed.

Dad: Can you colonel?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhySoCuriousSir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2015
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My Fiancee's Dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScawttyWotty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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