What's round and bad-tempered?

A Vicious circle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famousspy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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How do you divide a roundabout?

Intersections

Edit: for non-native speakers, roundabout is a traffic circle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/old_man_browsing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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A conversation with Dracula

me: i’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

dracula: venn

me: probably tomorrow

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notmypornaccount9
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Under appreciated dad phases of the day:

Children spinning or running or circles or anything in that nature

Dad - Wow, you are making ME dizzy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/touchymacaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Why are stories about Nascars so satisfying?

Because they always come full circle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickC-249
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Wonder no more !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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I told my wife I dreamt I was a merry-go-round.

She told me to stop running in circles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MsMash29
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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My dad comes in from mowing the lawn

DAD: "Man, I am dizzy from mowing the lawn"
ME: "Drink some water and lay down, it's hot out there!"
DAD: "Go look at the lawn" wink

He mowed the lawn in a giant circle pattern... The circumferences that man will go for a joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Only_Abe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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A nun is teaching her students about the circle of life

"there are either predators or prey in the circle of life" explained the nun. "whatever an animal eats, it is called that animal's prey. for instance, rabbits eat lettuce - thus lettuce is rabbit prey."

"Sister, what is sunlight then?" asked a quizzical child.

smiling, the nun put her hands together and said, "lettuce prey".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-Vader
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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My friend the photographer always trims the outer edges of his pictures to be curved so that every edge is equidistant from the center...

He liked making crop circles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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My Tesla autopilot is broken.

I'm going round in circles trying to fix it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Did you see the porno featuring shapes?

At first I really didn't get it but in the end it came full circle.

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πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Daughter had a balloon with a penny in it.

So, for Easter, my wife and I got our 2-year-old an array of balloons from a delivery service, including some pre-inflated pieces you could β€œbuild your own butterfly” with, etc. It was pretty cool, but coolest of all was this clear balloon pretty tightly inflated with a single penny in it, and if you shook the balloon enough, the penny would eventually find its way to circling the inside of the balloon.

Those balloons lasted for weeks, until today. If you’ve ever seen a clear balloon deflate, you know it gets a little yellow and opaque.

My wife found it laying around and brought it to me, saying, β€œThis looks like a condom with a penny in it.” And I said, β€œThat’s why they call it a money shot.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dormsta
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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I was attacked by a geometric shape!!!

It was a vicious circle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Been trying to teach my kid how to tell the time

But we just keep going round and round in circles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daniielrp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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So I got lost in a maze.

I was wandering in circles for ages, but then I remembered some advice my dad gave me. I started digging around until I found water, and I knew I had found the way out. What was his advice? β€œWhere there’s a well, there’s a way.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatAutisto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Or maybe later . . .

Me: I need to make one of those diagrams that uses two overlapping circles.

Wife: Venn?

Me: Right now.

Wife: speechless eye roll

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wordsonascreen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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whats the most useless shape?

circles because they are pointless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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When race tracks are worn down their parts are used for other tracks

It’s just the circle of life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAverageSJW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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My dad told me this just now

Dad: Hey I was just at the gas station and this lady next to me was filling up her car with gas and then she spilled like half a gallon

Me: Oh jeez

Dad: Yeah I know anyway she opened her door to get something to wipe it up with cause the station had nothing and then this huge Rot Weiler ran out of the car and licked up a bunch of gas then ran away and the lady was Freaking out so I ran across the street to grab the dog and I finally caught up to him and he started walking in a circle and then just collapsed

Me: Oh my god what happened

Dad: He ran out of gas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZAP_Riptide
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Pride Month Joke

5 guys are standing in a circle talking. One guy is on his phone and is reading an article.

He says β€œ1 out of 5 guys are gay”

Someone says β€œI hope it’s Jim, he’s really cute.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2CrispyBiscuits
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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My toddler just dad joked me.

She asked for ice for some imaginary wound, and as I gave her the ice pack (shaped like a circle with five fingers), she told me, "Thanks, Dad, I just needed a hand."

I've never been more proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrBELDING69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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My girlfriend is stressed over her upcoming geometry test

I told her not to run herself in circles over it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UkeBard
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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I watched a movie about geometry

There were a lot of plot holes but at the end it came full circle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mon71
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Normally if I have a problem, I like to go and think about it on the local carousel.

It usually helps, but I feel like I’m going around in circles

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rheatley91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Johnny used to be a punk rocker in the 80’s. Now his kids are grown, he makes crocks at the pottery and loves to write jokes and puns.

He’s come full circle, he’s a pun crocker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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Geometry

I really don't understand geomety, plane and simple! It feels like I just keep going in circles so I don't get the point! Even if for some people it shapes their life, this is where I draw the line!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roxan1930
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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What do the starship enterprise and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for clingons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterypan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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How to catch an elephant. A story by my dad which got me a walk to the Principal's office in 2nd grade

Rolling back 40 yrs or so, here's the story I told to my 2nd grade class.

To catch an elephant, you first need to go to the jungle where elephants are found. Then you cut down all the trees in a big circle, and dig a hole out. Put the trees in the hole and burn them down to ashes. Carefully line the edge of the hole with peas.

And when an Elephant comes to take a Pea, you kick him in the Ash-Hole!

Everyone about died. Hell, even the teacher and principal were laughing about it. Dad was amused. Mom was not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGoodLordsTaint
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2016
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For a long time, I’ve been trying to figure out roundabouts...

It just feels like I’m going in circles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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My friend said he was cold, so I said, "go stand in a corner, they're always 90 degrees."

His house is a circle... He's been walking around confused for three hours now, I am getting concerned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NecroNinja31
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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Classic puns are passed around and around...

Some might call it the Circle of Laugh.

Especially in the Deep South.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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I've never met John Venn.

We don't mix in the same circles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lookoutnow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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That's an Oddly Shaped Pie

There was a village that had four competing pie shops, each inhabiting their own corner of the town. One of these shops was named "The Circle".

The Circle wanted to gain an edge on the other shops, they wanted to stand out. They realized they could transport more pies in their boxes if they made the pies square instead of circular, so they would stack better. The only place in the village to have these oddly-shaped pies is at The Circle.

So, for the area of The Circle, the pie are squared.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomfc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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The inventor of the Hula hoop passed away.

From his obituary, I learned he was quite famous in certain circles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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I once drew a Venn Diagram to explain my use of puns to my wife

We had been cooking dinner, and my wife commented (after one too many comments about 'Gouda being gooda and Feta being Betta') that it seemed like most of my puns tend to be food puns.

So I drew her a diagram. I started with a huge circle to represent all of my puns. Inside that I drew a large circle filling about 90% of it.

"Those are my food puns."

I then drew another circle, this one about half the size of the food circle, with almost all of it inside the food circle.

"And these are my cheese puns."

My wife immediately called me out, pointing at the sliver that was outside of the food circle.

"Shouldn't this be fully inside the other circle?"

"No," I say, "Those puns are rare, but they tend to be cheesiest."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xahhfink6
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
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What's round and mean?

A vicious circle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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Is it just me...

...or are circles pointless

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thorazine222
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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I’ve been trying to figure out this revolving door for a while now...

It just feels like I’m going in circles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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