Christmas dinner Puns

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

Cousin: I really want a dog this year.

Wife: What kind do you want?

Cousin: I’m really wanting a poodle.

My Dad: Just wait until it rains. There will be plenty of “poudles” around.

Everyone else : 🙄

Me: "So I've decided to give up studying medicine to become a yoga instructor."

Mum: gets up, pushes her chair in and leaves the dinner table

Me: "Nah, ma! Stay!"

Unfortunately, in my soup, there was Noel.

...but it's hard to give up cold turkey.

The old man was cheery and happy while his wife did not share his joy. The old man said; "honey why're you grumpy? It's christmas!" She said; "but deer look! All our crops are dying if this goes on we won't survive the winter. We need a christmas miracle for that." The old man looked outside and said; "Honey, look a christmas miracle!" The old lady got filled with glee and looked outside, and there was santa flying in his sleigh. She said; "But honey was wasn't hoping for santa in his sleigh, I was hoping for rain-dear!"

A hollybut.

My daughter is now eating the left over gravy from the jug with a spoon. Mrs points out how much she's eaten, to which I replied... "If we were to crash on the way over to granddads later and she needed a blood transfusion, they'd need to use type Beeef Positive!"

Great-Grandma- "Did you get another plate?" Great-Grandpa- "No. It's the same one."

..and none of the newer peelers are working for him, so he grabs the peeler he's had for years.

Dad: None of these peelers work as well as this one. There's a reason I buy and keep things like these.

Me: So you would say that one is most appealing to you?

Uncle: Do you know why a lion never cheats?

Me: Why

Uncle: Because they're bad at it.

Me: Oh, is that so?

Uncle: Yeah, but tigers are great at cheating.

As the family was gathered around the table for Christmas dinner, I asked my dad to make a toast. His response was: "there isn't any bread".

So my family are eating Christmas dinner together a few days early, when my mum innocently asks for the stuffing. Dad turns to me, "hey mate, your mother wants stuffing!". I lost my appetite.

Ok so the context is our family's big Christmas dinner, almost everyone is sitting at the table ready to eat. We always start with a prayer. Mom: Okay everyone before we start eating, would somebody say grace? Dad: GRACE!

My brother was talking about his new torque wrench, and my dad says "You should be careful with that", and, as we all glare at him, waiting for the punchline, he says, "Didn't Miley Cyrus get in trouble for torque-ing?"

Him: Who is Santa's favorite singer?

Me: I don't know...

Him: Elf-is Presley

This is going to be a long day.

Aunt: There's to be gale force winds tonight.

Dad: It's all those Brussel sprouts

Dad: Get some hot potatoes now, otherwise they'll be gone. They go like hot potatoes...