I invested every cent I have in a cannabis-fed cattle business.

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArmyofNorthernVA
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of cattle is always sleepy?

A bulldozer.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PokWangpanmang
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy that herds reindeer instead of cattle?

A Jolly Rancher!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What puts cattle to sleep?

A BullDozer

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GlobalDesi17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine is starting a new business... he thinks there's going to be a huge demand for cannabis-fed cattle.

I thought about investing, but the steaks are too high.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VA_DiagSexAddict
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you count cattle?

With a cowculator

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_tiger253
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the government arrest a rancher who fed cannabis to his cattle?

The stakes were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_grand
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle?

A tractor beam

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cranky_Windlass
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you count cattle?

One at a time with a cow-culator

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer who accidentally gave his cattle edibles before inspection?

The steaks had never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Testacleez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm scared the cops are gonna discover I've been using my cattle farm to illegally grow marijuana

The steaks have never been higher

πŸ‘︎ 172
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/treefellow64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the black bird that steals cattle?

It's the rustle crow.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I never gamble against cattle farmers

They're too good at raising steaks

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard that Cattle Necromancy is a really competitive field.

Your rivals are always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mduffor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Cattle Farmers respond to Federal Agents burning marijuana fields next door.

"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Krumm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't casinos let cattle farmers play?

They are always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bingomzan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call cattle masturbating?

Beef Stroganoff

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Hearding cattle
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kluferfmernder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.

All he had to do was round them up.

πŸ‘︎ 199
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravenclaw_VIII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
A cattle farmer has had to pull out of the local marathon.

It was due to a calf injury.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call cattle with an arrow through it’s face?

A bulls-eye

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lizzard_troll31
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it risky to buy ribeye and sirloin directly from a cattle rancher?

Because he raises the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanek2525
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
So this farmer built a 5 story barn for his cattle.

He's really raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What type of dairy cattle do they get milk for Swiss cheese?

Holy cow!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellyRapscallion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the butcher quit his job and become a cattle rancher?

He wanted to raise the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ilovebikes65
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Ever heard of the buffet that lets you eat free if you bring your welsh cattle dog?

I hear its a real corgishborg.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Where is a cattle herder's favorite place to cook dinner after a long day?

Home on the range.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
For the first time ever, the Wisconsin State Fair has a competition where cattle draw maps.

It's the first annual Cowtography competition.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TBoneMKE
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the Cattle Rancher say when he plays Poker and goes All In?

I'm raising the steaks!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/9ine0ne0ne
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I watched a video showing the highlights of cattle doing ballet, two things I love.

It was the best of bull twirls.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call scared cattle?

Cowards

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dolmunk
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't cattle need to repeat themselves to Cowboys?

They herd them

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I had hired a man to watch my cattle, but it turned out he was afraid of them.

He's a real cow ward.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahzek
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to work on a ranch that had 99 cattle

but when I rounded them up there was 100.

πŸ‘︎ 105
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BecauseItAmusesMe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do cowboys lose so much weight when they go on cattle drives?

Because they watch what they eat.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icebreaker90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
At work we were talking about how buff Belgian Blue cattle are so big, and my friend says, "Holstien cattle are pretty big too." My other friend asks "How big are they?"

Without missing a beat I say, "About twice as big as an Halfstein." Que groans and awkward laughs and my first friend says, "You've been hanging out with your dad to much."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wene324
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
The terms "cattle," "beef," and "udder" are always afraid of everything - because they're just a bunch of cow words. reddit.com/r/oneliners/co…
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The man I hired to watch my cattle was afraid of them a first. Now he cares for them like they're his children!

He went from coward to cow ward.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Growing marijuana and raising cattle simultaneously is pretty risky but can be very profitable

It’s a high steaks business model

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A rancher rounded up his 98 cattle.

When he was done he had 100.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jasonrj
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you gamble with a cattle farmer?

They are always raising the steaks!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arcadianchef
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is it dangerous to gamble with a cattle rancher?

Because they're always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 110
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kaidevis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2016
🚨︎ report
It's exciting to play poker with cattle farmers...

...because they are always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.