My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Why did the hipster burn his lips on coffee?
He drank it before it was cool!
(My old Language Arts teacher said this.)
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︎ Dec 09 2020
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool
π︎ 65
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︎ Dec 04 2020
My son told me, βDad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.β
I said, βThatβs Heinz sight for you.β
π︎ 451
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Churn and burn
At least thatβs what the witch Puritans used to say.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I just gave a sick burn to a load of hedges shaped into a pattern.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I just found out how to burn 2000 calories
I left my brownies in the oven too long
π︎ 424
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︎ May 14 2020
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Sep 30 2019
Shoe company burns down
π︎ 16
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︎ Jul 23 2020
My mate Gav sadly passed away this morning. Doctors say it was severe heart burn.
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︎ Aug 10 2020
What would Mr. Burns say if he were a wizard?
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 01 2020
I hate people who keep telling me that I need to be saved or else I'm going to burn.
π︎ 26
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︎ Aug 01 2020
I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
Oh man that burns...
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 24 2020
[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
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︎ May 17 2020
Burn the living room.
π︎ 107
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︎ Dec 22 2019
What do you call someone who burns all their loan documents?
π︎ 10
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Doctor: Sir youβve suffered multiple 3rd degree burns
Dad: thatβs odd, it felt hotter than that.
π︎ 3
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︎ May 14 2020
I tried to burn my friend a new arsehole by slipping chili peppers into his food, but things didn't go as planned when he switched dishes on me.
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 08 2020
Why did the IT-guy burn his fingers?
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 03 2020
My mate Gavin passed away from heart burn last week.
Still canβt believe Gaviscon
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︎ Nov 22 2019
What Happens When You Burn Unseasoned Wood From the Bayou?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 22 2020
My friends decided to have a Chinese New Year x Burnβs Night Party. They called it Chinese Burns Night.
I didnβt agree to it at first but eventually they twisted my arm.
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︎ Jan 29 2020
Don't you hate those people who come to your door and tell you that you will 'burn' unless you are 'saved'
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 30 2019
During sex you burn as much calories as running for 5 miles.
Who the hell runs 5 miles in 30 seconds?
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︎ Aug 04 2019
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
π︎ 24
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate pizza before it was cool
π︎ 50
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool
π︎ 20
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︎ Sep 27 2020
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
Because he ate the pizza before it was cool π
π︎ 8
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He ate his breakfast before it was cool.
π︎ 10
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︎ May 24 2020
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool
π︎ 59
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︎ Feb 02 2020
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 24 2019
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
π︎ 14
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︎ May 02 2020
Who did the hipster burn his mouth
He ate the pizza before it was cool
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 29 2020
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello
π︎ 184
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︎ Sep 30 2019
How did the hipster burn their tongue?
Ate their meal before it was cool.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 14 2020
How did the hipster burn himself?
By drinking coffee before it was cool.
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 27 2020
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool
π︎ 25
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︎ Feb 10 2020
I hate when people knock on my door and tell me I need to get "saved" or else I will "burn."
π︎ 385
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︎ Aug 09 2019
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..
π︎ 12k
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︎ May 18 2018
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
π︎ 38
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︎ Jan 18 2020
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
π︎ 37
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︎ Oct 29 2019
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
π︎ 85
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︎ Nov 18 2019
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
π︎ 17
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︎ Nov 09 2019
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
π︎ 42
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︎ Jun 27 2019
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"...
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 15 2019
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