A list of puns related to "Books of Kings"
Hi! My dad had a heart attack last week, then went home, less than 12 hours later was back in with a one in a million fluke chance that he'd have complication. He's been in for a week now and was told he is nothing short of a miracle. I'm pregnant and can't really go see him often in ICU because of the very very sick people, but I wanted to do something special and thought i'd ask here. He is pretty down about the whole thing, usually pretty active guy keeping himself busy but I would love to create a little book for him to cheer him up. Nothing crazy but maybe some great jokes to keep him on the cheery side I might include a little art for him too with the joke. Thanks everyone.
The King is in love with the Spanish Armada, in fact you could say he warships it.
I got into a fight with a group of jesters, I escaped by going for the juggler.
I recently read "Gulliver's Travels" it was a Swift read.
Have you read the book about traveling through hell? It's a Dante-ing read.
Q: How many animals can you fight into the Lord High Sheriff's tights? A: Ten piggies, two calves, a rooster and an ass.
Vikings raided the royal cheese supply, they left nothing behind but de Brie.
I met a wizard, I told him he looked like a mana action.
The unskilled mason forget to put a water supply in the new castle. He did not keep well.
The angry archer was so surly he had everyone convinced he was a cross bowman.
The failed stone cutter also lost his job as a bounty hunter. He could never find his quarry.
The nun kept spilling sacramental wine on herself. She made a bad habit of it.
The pope enjoys chocolate on his boat. He like sailing indulgences.
The pope loves summer, they say he is infallible.
Two fae fell in love. They keep fauning over each other.
The knight suffered from boils, he had to get them lanced.
Why did the wood nymph use some much lotion? Because she had dryad skin.
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
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Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:
Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."
Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."
Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".
Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."
A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".
Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."
A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."
A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."
A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."
Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."
A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".
In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".
Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"
Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."
The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"
An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"
An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"
Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"
A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"
Sorry about the possible typos.
He teaches a class where students were doing book reports. One had done one on Stephen King's Doctor Sleep, the sequel to The Shining. The student mentioned that the main character, Danny Torrence is now an alcoholic, and from the back of the room husband goes, "Does he drink red rum?"
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