What do you call a magician who can’t get a boner?

Missed Erection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Houshweeni
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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What does someone with a boner obsession call the French Grand Prix

Circuit Paul Dickhard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlfaRomeoFanatic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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Did you know it's not uncommon to get a boner at a funeral?

It's known as mourning wood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinsy_Crow
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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I finally found out what causes random out of place boners

Subliminal thots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob666bender
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
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The wind made me had a boner today.

I guess you can call it a stiff breeze.

( credit to u/Ncrawler65 )

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeezBalls41
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
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What do you call a zombie’s boner

A reserection

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vagdryna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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Why couldn’t the turtle get a boner?

He had a reptile dysfunction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghastly420666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What is the name of an alligator's boner that won't stay hard for long?

A reptile dysfunction

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2016
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Bonheur is French for happiness. Boner is English for a good time. Coincidence?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/electricdog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
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Why does the ex-con get a boner every time he sees a clock?

Because he's used to doing time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyabupaks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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Poor Ted
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floarea_mamei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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What's moby dicks father's name?

Papa boner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flutfar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Don’t knock it until you diet
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Aitch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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No hemo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMemeGod13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
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What is a skeleton's favorite snack?

Spare ribs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kreyfor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

Because he didn’t have the guts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethJ2018
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Someone told me to post the joke here

What happens when distance gets a boner? It gets a direction. Sorry for wasting your time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BilBot123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What does Playboy use to print their magazines?

Boner toner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/franz-hanz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Who called them Orthopaedic

And not Dr Boner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nitinkatipn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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You know what's intense?

Campers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyMoist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Halloween Puns

Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.


Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!


Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!


For Halloween I’m going to write β€œLife” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers


This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues


β€œHalloween” = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.


Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!


I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.


How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!


When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day


What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!


What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood


What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us


What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A β€œhollow-weenie!”


Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).


How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.



I’m going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do… by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,


Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, β€œA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?” The other monster replied, β€œBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.


The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you’re not will lead to a sweet reward.


I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election night.


I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I’m dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.


Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.


What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!


What do Italian’s eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Why can’t the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi


What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween!!


What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Ain't it the truth

I tried to piss with a boner. It was hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdmiralHuffington
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2012
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I once hired a hooker; the sex was so good she did it for free.

It was pro-boner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flayneorange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2013
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Waiting on line for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

A bit of a reverse-dad joke, my brother and dad were talking about the actors in the movie. My dad was lamenting Megan Fox being April, and said "I don't see how anyone could like that lizard face of hers."

My brother shrugged and calmly responded, "It gives some guys a boners, others get e-reptile dysfunction."

The guy on line behind us started laughing uncontrollably.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_depression
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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Well my oldest kid liked it....

Q.what do you call an angry skeleton? A.a raging boner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sticky_bud
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2014
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Dad joked my doctor the other day.

So, we were in his office and he had just gotten the test results back for if I was sick or not. He is typing on his computer when:

Doctor - "I'm sorry BonerMan_. My computer is going really slow so just bear with me for a moment."

Me - "Maybe you're the one who should be going to a doctor!"

Doctor - "Why is that?"

Me - "Well... it seems to me as if you have a computer virus!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BonerMan_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
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I still haven't gotten a response

Pic will be found in the comments below

Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device.

Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He has no reason to text. I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share.

Also, one of my favorite of his sayings is referring to my best friend as suave(Ss-wave) and debonair (De-boner.)

Oh and don't let your meatloaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefripps
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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My uncle always had the dirtier dad jokes

"I hate random boners."

"Mine come and go."

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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An inappropriate dad joke

While I was walking downtown with my dad and cousin, my cousin told my dad that a random woman was totally eye-banging him. My dad replied with "well, I have an eye-boner!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaceographer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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Why do we call it boner?

Isn't its muscular.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdramanuj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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What would a boner at a funeral be called?

Mourning wood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Phlip_Phlop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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what do you call it when you get a boner at a funeral?

Mourning Wood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brewc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2013
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What is Moby Dicks Dads name?

Poppa Boner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthVinnie915
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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