We were in awe when a man jumped off the Eiffel Tower...

That was, until we saw his parischute

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πŸ‘€︎ u/delo357
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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I'm still in awe by my fathers' genius.

I'm sitting at the dining room table with my mom just chatting about nothing in particular, when my dad walks with this shit eating grin holding something behind his back. Now for a little background info, my dad NEVER does surprises. And I mean never. So I immediately knew something was up. My mom turns around and asks him what's going on. He tells her to close her eyes and hold out her hands because he got her a surprise. At this point my mom gets really excited and asking, "what is it?! What is it?!" To which my dad replies,

"Do you remember when we went out the other day and you were looking at those new running shoes, but you decided not to get them because they were too expensive?"

To which she responds, "ahhhh! Yes I remember!!"

He then says, "well I saw how much you liked them so I decided to get you a pear."

And he puts a fresh pear in her hands.

She still won't talk to him.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laxerado1313
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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In awe at the size of this lad. Absolute unit.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phillepips
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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In awe at the size of this lad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xorok_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
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I say to my girlfriend: Awe, look a pony!

Her: He should prolly see a doctor...

Me: What?.. Why?

Her: Because he's a little horse!

Me: .....I think we should see other people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MouroVrachos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2017
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I'm sitting at Starbucks right now in awe of what just happened. I just witnessed a dad-joke pick-up line.

These two ladies (Around 50) were making small talk with this barista of the same age, when he said, "Why didn't you take your mask off?" to one of them. I guess they didn't know what he was talking about and just shrugged it off with an awkward laugh, then he landed it: "You went as a beauty-queen, right?"

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvenueMan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2013
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"Awe he looks just like you"

"I thought so too! That's why I stole him from the park."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaredNGreen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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I'm in awe. My buddy just used a snail as a key to start up his sedan...

It made escargot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StretchSmiley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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An Admiral looks up all the ships under his command in awe...

It's a fleeting moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mike91444
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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You may think dad jokes are aweful

But I think they’re awesome, and here’s why:

Y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guzforster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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I was awed first time I saw the room full of computers and servers...

It was such a pristine LANscape.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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|u|

I'm in awe of this lad, what an absolute unit.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_John_Zoidbong
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Dad: If there is some of it, then it's good. If it is ful of it, it's bad. What's the thing?

Me in my new underwear: I don't know....

Dad: Awe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sabersober
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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You’re Awful

As in you fill me with awe

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatSlipperySeal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I’m trying to convince my wife that I want a Segway for my birthday.

But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Massive leak in the bathrooom
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeattleMana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load.

Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralysed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/always-paranoid
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Does this count as a pun?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Simoxys
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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A mother gave birth and was fortunate enough to be able to breastfeed her child from the very start.

It was a great suck-sess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
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What do you call a boat full of buddies?

A friendship

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprice-3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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[request] my wife will be going into labor soon.

Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supergnaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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the need for puns is dire...

I am requesting the shittiest, most terrible, most horrible dad level puns you can throw my way. Puns that would make others projectile vomit with their horribleness. Puns so aweful and sad, that it'd make me want to hug you and ask you....are you okay?

so send them my way. or there will be a severe....PUNishment...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirvanaspirit666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?

Awe shucks!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cplaprade
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., made his case using some trickery. Going to /r/news, he found a seemingly unrelated post, and made a top-level comment describing, in great detail, why Monsters Inc. was the greatest film of all time. The fact that the post was so out of context made everyone flock to it, and drew enough attention to new him over a thousand fake internet points.

Mike, who loved the Incredibles movies, decided to stay in his wheelhouse. Over the course of several hours, he created each of the family members from the Incredibles in Soulcaliber VI. Finally, he photoshopped the family together, and posted it to /r/gaming. Under normal circumstances this would have skyrocketed to the top, but the format was stale, and thus only received 20k karma. Still, Mike was confident in his victory.

While the other four friends came up with plans on how to maximize their karma gains, Chris sat silently. For hours he sat, making no posts, coming up with no original content. Finally, an hour before the deadline, he broke into his neighbor's house, stealing his copy of the Pixar movie "Up". He took a picture of his theft and posted it directly to /r/dadjokes with the title "STOLEN".

When the group got together the next day to see who got the most votes, everyone was in awe. Chris's post had over 40,000 points. "How did you know that would win?" "Easy," Chris replied. "Everyone knows stolen content on /r/dadjokes gets all the Up votes."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Alcohol

Always lifts my spirits

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbwanderski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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I knew you'd say that (xpost from r/TalesFromRetail)

Posted this on r/Talesfromretail and it was suggested I post here.

I used to work in store where we would ask customers if they had an account number at the check out. The number would be put in manually before putting the shopping through and the customer would get back one penny on every pound they spent.

One day a family who I hadn't seen before came in and while the mum and kids wandered off to start shopping. The dad came over to the side of my till while I was serving customers, announced his account number and then ran off to join his family without saying anything else. OK, that was weird, I went on serving.

About 10 minutes later the family are queued for my till. When it comes to the point where I should ask for their number the dad grins at me and I realise what's going on. Fortunately, I have a bizarrely good memory for numbers and, without skipping a beat, I reel off the one he gave me when he came in the store. The kids both gasp and their eyes go wide. They look at their dad in awe.

As I'm putting through the shopping, I hear the dad say:

>See? I told you they were psychic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/huskydaisy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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I was watching a Spanish magician preform

After about 2 hours of watching this guy, he's about to end the show, he says "On the Count of 3, I shall disappear". I watch in awe as he counts, "Uno, Dos..." and then poof! Just like that, he's gone without a Tres.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elroe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
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Simon says

This happened last night. I laughed way too hard after it so figured I’d share. Driving with my three sons playing Simon says in the backseat.

Oldest son: β€œSimon says place your hand on someone else’s head” Me angrily interrupting: β€œNO we’re keeping our hands to ourselves” Oldest son: β€œawe cmon dad but we’re playing Simon says we’re not gonna fight” Me: β€œfine......Simon says keep your hands to yourself”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kyleorto86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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How to get your kids to give you their ice cream?

When we were kids, my dad used to dare us to bite our ice cream without wincing. Obviously we couldn't. Then he took a bite of our ice cream (all 4 of us), his face staying straight as if it was nothing. We were always in awe and dared him to bite our ice cream every time we goes to the milk bar (creamerie).

We didn't knew he had a set of false teeth.

(Sorry for mistakes, I'm French Canadian.)

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aika1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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I work at a restaurant as a bartender/server...

And a guy ordered a medium rare sirloin for lunch. Once everyone got their food, I gave them a few minutes to dig in, and then went to check how they all were doing. Here's how it went.

Me: Hi guys, is everyone still doing well over here? (Pause to turn to the guy with the steak)...Or should I say medium rare ehh?? finger guns and chuckles

Guys: silence. Complete silence

Me: cracks up at my own stupid joke and walks away with no shame, leaving them in awe of my greatness

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkelsey4610
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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Just happened: Asked my dad β€œwhat’s the worst joke you’ve seen?”

He responded β€œI don’t know, I can Nazi German wieners.”

I chuckled because of the first pun and then stood in awe realizing he was making fun of my question.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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After all these years, he's still got it.

Being a father of my own, I'm still envious of the masterful skill in which my dad can come up with his material. While driving down the interstate, a Miller Lite truck pulls out in front of us, more quickly than he should. My dad swerved to the left to avoid my door from getting broad sided by a tractor trailer. I yelled from being startled.

Me: He almost hit us!

Dad: We're fine. I can handle this.

Me: He almost totaled the car! What if he had hit us? I could be dead!

Dad: Nah, you would've been fine. It was Lite beer.

Me: (jaw dropped in awe and amazement)

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taggsyoureit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report
My old man got me good when I was a kid.

So some birds were flying over us in that V-shape they tend to fly in, and my old man looked up, almost in awe, and said to me:

Dad: Wow, look at those birds, son. See how they fly in that V shape?

Me (in a genuine child-like awe): Yeah, that's cool, dad.

Dad: See how one side of the V is longer than the other?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: You know why that is?

Me: No, why?

Dad: Cause there are more birds on that side, dumbass.

πŸ‘︎ 289
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehJoze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Kinda Dark Dad Joke...

So I'm watching TV with my daughters. A Saint Jude commercial comes on and shows a bunch of sick kids dying of cancer... both of my daughters let out a compassionate "Awe.."

Me: Hey girls, do you realize how many more kids in America were diagnosed with cancer during the time it took to watch that commercial?

Daughters: Oh my God... I don't even what to think about it! How many?

Me: Tumor.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
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What do you call a cute door-bell?

Adorable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macsrrad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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My son told me the video game Super Mario Odyssey comes out tomorrow...

I told him he's just excited because Mario is always an awe-to-see!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterS42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
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My dad asked me if I wanted a Hertz donut...

Back in the 90s, I remember playing some N64 after school when my dad came home from work. He comes into the living room and asks me what's up and, as a teen, I say "nuthin" and keep playing while he just stands there. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he's looking at me with a stupid grin on his face that's he's trying to suppress poorly. Finally, he asks me to pause the game. I turn to him and he asks "You want a Hertz donut?" I obviously know this joke, but to make it worse, he's already making a fist, ready at his side. I roll my eyes and say "No, I do not want a Hertz donut." He just relaxes his hand and says surprised "Oh, you don't? You sure?" I say I'm sure and he says okay and walks back out to his car, leaving me to return to my GoldenEye. A few seconds later, he comes strolling back in the room, with a box of a dozen donuts in his hand, while he's eating one, with the same stupid grin on his face. On the box of donuts, "Dunkin" has been crudely crossed out and Hertz written beneath it in Sharpie marker. He walks into the kitchen saying "Guess you won't be having these Hertz donuts!" I'm in awe. I follow him into the kitchen and he finally relents and lets me take a donut. I ask him "So, you bought these donuts, and just put this joke together on the way home?" He says he thought of the joke earlier in the day at work and had to buy the donuts for the bit. I start laughing hysterically thinking about him sitting at work itching to leave to pull this off. As we sit there, quietly eating these donuts, he breaks the silence with a mouth full of donut, with "Had to stop at CVS to pick up a Sharpie too." I almost choked on the donut jimmies.

TLDR: Dad offered a Hertz donut, should've taken him up on it.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PriestPorridge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2014
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Got my GF while driving home from rock climbing

We were driving by a farm (shocker, I live in a rural area) and this exchanged happened.

Her: Awe that horse is starring at the group of horses in the other field. They must want a horse friend.

Me: Why? They'd just horse around all day.

Her: ..... ugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hooks_And_Needles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2016
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Wife beats me at last

So, I've been infuriating my wife with dadjokes for some time now. Phrases such as "I hate you" and "please don't ever speak again" are all-too-common.

Recently, my wife measured my size for a piece of a breathing machine that attaches to my nose (I have sleep apnea).

Me: Oh honey you were right about the breathing machine. I'm definitely a size medium!

Wife: I was right about the nose thing?

Me: Yes.

Wife: Would you say that my assessment was on the nose?

I stood back in awe. She had bested me. I will never, ever, be able to tell a dadjoke like that.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fudgebert
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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My two year old got me.

Me: "Say awe."

Son: with a half open mouth, "Uhhhhhh."

M: "NO. Say awe Big!!!"

S: with same half open mouth, "Uhh big."

GF: "Well, he's not wrong."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beekr427
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my SO while talking about the new Call of Duty.

Him: "Someone on Reddit dubbed it 'Call of Duty: Kevin Spacey Edition.'"

Me: "Why not just call it 'House of CODs' ?"

The look he gave me was one of both shame and awe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haferflocken
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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My grandfather felt the need to explain us who exactly "Jack Schitt" is and how much we REALLY don't know him.

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaeqPiegDeivys
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible!” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie,” he says, β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, β€œLarry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, β€œGod and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

β€œWow, that’s incredible." the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

β€œBonnie...” he says. β€œLarry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

β€œOh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. β€œHe’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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