How do you know Kermit didn't have asthma?

Because it's not wheezy being green.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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We had a Romanian kid in our class with asthma.

We called him Vlad the Inhaler

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingfreak207
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Which is the only seabird that suffers from asthma?

The Puffin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unholysifiman21
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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I need some advice. My roommate is always lighting incense and it's bothering my asthma.

How do I deal with someone who is being so incense-ative?

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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As someone who has asthma

People who smoke make me sick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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What do you call a French girl with asthma?

Louise

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_LegateLanius_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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What do you call a ginger with asthma?

A Wheez-ly

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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What kind of fish has asthma?

A puffer fish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reggie69x
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
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How come Yellowstone causes asthma?

It's breathtaking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vdjejhehsw
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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My girlfriend wants kids but I have asthma

so it's hard for me to breed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aerlion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2015
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Wanna hear something breathtaking

Asthma

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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Three little pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs, Pork Chop, Hambone, and Bacon.

The boys lived at home with their mother. One day their mother said, β€œI no longer have enough food to feed you boys, you need to go out on your own and find your fortunes.”

Not wanting to upset their mother they left the house together to seek their fortunes.

Several miles into their journey Bacon, the little pig everyone liked best, said, β€œLet’s build our houses here! This seems like a great place to start making our fortunes.”

Pork Chop and Hambone agreed. So they all began building their houses.

Pork Chop, the laziest of the bunch, decided to build his house out of straw, which he apparently stole from a nearby field. It was not a very sturdy building material, but Pork Chop didn’t care. All he wanted to do was play all day, and he didn’t want to spend too much time building.

Hambone was willing to work a bit harder and he decided to build his house out of sticks which he procured by de-limbing every tree within a 300 meter radius of their homestead.

Hambone and Pork Chop were happy. Now all they had to do was to play and sleep the rest of the day.

Now Bacon was a hard worker. He knew that his brothers had used bad materials and shoddy construction methods and he wanted to build the best house he could. He found several tons of bricks stacked in neatly ordered pallets in the forest which he decided to use for his building material. It took him several days, but when he was done Bacon had the best house on the homestead.

The next day a wolf, Scott Howard, happened upon the pig brothers and their new homestead. He spied the straw house and smelled Pork Chop inside and began to think to himself that Pork Chop would make a mighty fine meal, so Scott went and knocked on the door.

Scott said, β€œLittle Pig! Little Pig! Let me in!”

Pork Chop replied, β€œNo way JosΓ©! Not by the hairs on my chinny chin chin!”

Scott, undeterred by the reply says, β€œThen I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your crappy straw house to the ground!”

Scott began to huff and puff. He was evidently having some sort of asthma attack, but after a few tugs from his handy dandy rescue inhaler, he was able to muster enough wind to blow Pork Chops straw house to the ground.

Pork Chop narrowly escaped Scott’s massive jaws. Scared, and now homeless, Pork Chop ran for the nearest shelter he could see. Hambone’s house.

Scott, undeterred, chased Pork Chop to his new hiding place. Scott was very pleas

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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My friend thinks I have a lung disease

I should go asthma doctor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nice_Yams
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Something took my breath away yesterday

Asthma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoachHSBaseball
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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So I just got Dad Joked by my Mum

Well this was a little embarrassing as she is rarely funny. Anyway, I have been off work a lot over winter with chest infections and colds thanks to my asthma and the shitty English 'winter'.

She suggested I move back up north where the air is better, and I said that no, "I need to move abroad with my chest."

Her response: "What about the rest of you?"

I got schooled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chiefian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2016
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My wife doesn't like it when our 3 year old vapes.

She's prefers that I call it breathing treatments for asthma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/americangame
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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Me and my Dad were at Carrabba's

Stepmom: "I'm going to get the Fettuccini Weesie."

Dad: "Is that because you have asthma?"

I died.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throwaway100715
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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Are you alright?

My dad does this all the time. Whenever he coughs a lot (he has asthma), I ask him if he's alright.

"No, I'm half left."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/west096
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2015
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Gym teacher pulls a dad joke

I was in Elementary School at the time of this joke, and it still makes me chuckle thinking back on it. My teacher had us running a couple of laps around the school's grassy field. I always had breathing problems, what I'm assuming is mild asthma although it's never been diagnosed. I ran up to the teacher after running a few minutes and told him I lost my breath. He asked something along the lines of, "Well do you want help finding it?" He made the entire class search the ground for my breath. One equally sarcastic child brought me the empty wrapper to a Rice Crispy treat. Oh how I loved that teacher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkSmarts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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