So my dad and I were moving a bedroom set for my grandmother as she was moving into an assisted living home. There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said

There was this heavy dresser and my dad said β€œLet’s tackle this now rather than later” I looked at the dresser, back at him, back to the dresser, and I said β€œId rather lift it”

He gave me a funny look and sighed. My brother in law laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nakedurlrobot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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My mom went to see her 92 year old father at his assisted living home yesterday and she said to him, "You sure like to take naps don't you ?"

He said, "Well this is a rest home."

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frashrite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
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I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas Tree.

The assistant asked me, β€œWill you be putting that up yourself?” I replied, β€œNo, I’ll be putting it up in my living room.”

πŸ‘︎ 268
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forstuvetankel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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He got a bug

I work at an assisted living facility and the other day they were going to be spraying my unit for bed bugs (preventatively). But on the day the exterminator called out sick, and as I was going around informing residents one grinned and said β€œHe got a bug”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/polkinator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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