We used to have a Teacher’s assistant named Ruth, but one day she left.

After that, our teacher became ruthless

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steph_Curryan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Ad in local paper : 'Wanted Barber's assistant'

'Fringe Benefits'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What are Aquaman's assistants?

Mermaides

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;

β€œAre these knickers satin?" "No” she said, β€œThey’re brand new...”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the book store and asked the assistant for any books about turtles.

She asked " Hardback? " And I said.. .." yeah, and little heads. "

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"

"No" he said, "It kills them"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the baker’s assistant fired?

He was loafing around.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SporadicSage
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exmachinalibertas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, the day after Ash Wednesday, my assistant discovered she actually enjoys making spreadsheets.

I told her that was excellent.

.

(This is a true story.)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/craic_d
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Web assistant
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThunderAlex2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in the Apple store the other day and the sales assistant Robert, approached me and asked would I like to try the new iPhone. Not interested, I turned and said:

"No Siri Bob"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BazzyTheLemon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the shop assistant where the Terminator action figures were.

She said "Aisle B, back".

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Is Google Assistant a dad?

http://i.imgur.com/KD1dxhgh.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GiveMeBackMySon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when your virtual assistant misunderstands your request?

Dysalexia

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrolovesmoney
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
When you ask google assistant for a pun and you instantly regret it
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shrimpydoodaa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm the best Assistant DJ in the entire world....

In fact, I hold the record!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a Dr. Peppers assistant

Nurse salt

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shieldvortex17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom assistant?

Angus McCoatup

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dalek7of9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My executive assistant has long hair.

I call him my mane man

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the book store assistant where the books on self help were...?

She replied "Sorry, that would defeat the purpose"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't Billie Joe Armstrong use any assistants when he was on a cooking show?

It's because he woks alone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aexicas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the dental assistant go to the comedy club?

She was told she was really good at impressions!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Google Assistant Joke
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Original_Sage
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
An assistant to a breakfast chef was fired from his job for stealing utensils.

When they asked him why he stole he said, "it was a whisk I was willing to take".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
When my son was born the assistant dropped him so I proceeded to make some real lifestyle changes

It was a real midwife crisis

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChessGreatest
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Sherlock Holmes ask his assistant what he is thinking about?

John, Watson your mind?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeAreGrootUnite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Paul's an assistant at a butcher shop . He's 6 foot tall and wears a size 9 shoe . What does he weight ?

Meat.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Google assistant got no chill!!
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garvitmastaadmi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
"Excuse me, what's the expiry date on this?" I asked the shop assistant.

"Sir," he said, "that's a calendar."

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Branch manager and assistant to the branch manager
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakdehi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I was in a shop talking to an assistant. I said, "I want some stuff for my kitchen, you know..."

"Kitchenware?" she asked.

I said, "In my house, of course."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the baker and his assistant Pi?

It was a pretty ordinary day. A woman came in wanting a couple piece of cheesecake, and the baker was busy. So Pi cut her 3.14 slices...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinite_one
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into a furniture shop. I said to the assistant, "That leather seat over there...I've been sent in by my wife to buy it for her."

He said, "Ah, I've got one those at home."

I said, "Well, she can't be as bossy as mine."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I was waiting have a cavity filled at the dentist when the assistant hands me the smart tv remote to put something on while I wait.

So I say β€œNothing like a little Netflix and drill”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reverseinertia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Dadjoking the crowd every time I introduce my assistant

"This is my assistant. She's also my sister, so that makes her my assister!"

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_paperjam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call the assistant to the assistant nut?

The coconut

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjkdash12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to a cake shop and told the assistant that I wanted to design a cake for my wife.

"What would she like on top of that?" asked the assistant.

I said, "Probably some money and for me to do the cleaning."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Apparently Google Assistant recently became a father.

I saw this on the FrontPage and immediately thought of you guys.

https://imgur.com/8Be1Y7J

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amorevolous
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I went into the local card shop and asked the assistant whether they did bereavement cards..

.. she said β€œyes of course”, β€œgreat!” I said, β€œcan I exchange this β€˜get well soon’ card for a bereavement card?”

(My Dad just laid this one on me)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EasyTigrr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
🚨︎ report
The teaching assistant for our class didn't show up the day after injuring his foot

Our professor told us he had a lame excuse

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainGoodhair
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jezreel62
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, β€œIs this good for wasps?”

He said, β€œNo, it kills them.”

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 178
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Google Assistant telling Dad Jokes

http://imgur.com/22YJqvO.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malgoya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
🚨︎ report

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