Iโ€™ll never date an apostrophe again!

The last one was too possessive.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FoldaHolda
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Iโ€™m a member of the anti apostrophe league.

Do not even get me started.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jspittman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Too many apostrophes for comfort.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/orlanthi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a crumb, that you've mistaken for an apostrophe?

An impostrophe

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cyberfunk_Groove
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Never combine a cat with an apostrophe.

Itโ€™ll be a catastrophe.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 197
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FinalCaveat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Demon names always have apostrophes in them

They show possession.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xwhy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Possessive apostrophes
๐Ÿ‘︎ 517
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RabbitGuySentMe
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 12 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I named my kid Apostrophe

He was always giving my wife contractions.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/forgottencheese1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....

He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence

๐Ÿ‘︎ 44
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/david7494
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I got into an argument about apostrophes, I don't know what possessed me to do that.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/justhereforhides
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does a train eat it's dinner?

It chew chews it!?

Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CaptMalReynoldsWrap
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do camel's wear when they go to war?

Camelflauge

๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Psychadelya
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the punctuation competition?

The winner got an apostrophe.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hideandsheep
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I made a comment about an actresses short hair to my fiancรฉe

Me: "Hmm, I wish I could pull off her short hair, I never could"
Him: "Aw, I'm sure you could. I'll hold her down while you yank it out"
Didn't see that coming.

Edit: thanks guys I didn't realise fiance/e has genders.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lunadoll
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 30 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why is the ocean salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KidsMaker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I hear that Samsung are employing security guards at all their stores now...

...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?

:D

Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.

EDIT: for removal of apostrophe

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/scalesthefish
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wife texts husband on a cold winterโ€™s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with a hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rangatan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a hippies wife?

Mississippi.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TechJay81
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I asked my wife to say 4 things about me. She said Iโ€™m mature, Iโ€™m polite, Iโ€™m perfect, ...

....And I have no idea how apostrophes and periods work.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Was painting with the Mrs. last night and...

...she told me that we didn't have a color we needed.

So this morning I said "I had a dream last night that I found that color for you, but when I woke up I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination."

Got a groan from her, mission accomplished.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Richard_Punch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Iโ€™m the best contractor.

Thatโ€™s why they gave me the apostrophe :D

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/o0oo00oo0o
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Found on google images
๐Ÿ‘︎ 112
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TerkRockerfeller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Im nice. I do love all races.

Except running screw running.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OPlang1752
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund it's government?

Through a syntax.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cheeriebomb
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If they named schools after their most famous alums.

Actual conversation with my wife this afternoon.

Me: If they named schools after their most famous alum, then I would have gone to "Duane, 'The Rock' Johnson High."

Wife: I suppose so.

Me: Home Economics enrollment would go through the roof.

Wife: confused Why?

Me: So they could smell what The Rock is cooking.

Wife: Oh God, you are SUCH a Dad.

Edit: I apparently can't apostrophe.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AtomicChicken
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dad's like my joke. Mom's don't.

My son came out of his room one night very upset. He said he scared because he was going to die someday and he didn't want to die. I told him, "Don't worry about death. Someday you will get married, after that you'll never be afraid of death again." This actually calmed him down, although it upset my wife for some reason.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cry2Laugh
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You should never date an apostrophe

Theyโ€™re too possessive

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Thornkale
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Never date an apostrophe.

They're too possessive.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 60
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/imabookwyrm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why should you never date an apostrophe?

They're too possessive!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'll never date another apostrophe.

The last one was too possessive.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 56
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheStabbingHobo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I'll never date another apostrophe...

...the last one was too possessive.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 57
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.