What do you call a cow after an abortion?

De-calf-inated

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tuck190
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2021
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Did you hear about the anti-abortion potato named Richard?

They call him Dick tater for life.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jester57
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2021
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Abortion isn’t murder

Its just cancelling your pre-order.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fedexdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2021
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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Beacuse it wasn't born yesterday.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2021
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Does anyone know what the best pickup line is for when you are at an abortion clinic?

Come here often?

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/robb4217
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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Abortion really does make you playful.

After all, it does bring out your inner child.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 51
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ghegi
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2019
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What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Moony-7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 09 2020
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See ya sucker!!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/popman-
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2019
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Was going to make a joke about childbirth...

But it's hard to deliver

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/samdp4l
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 15 2020
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Where did the cactus go for an abortion?

Plant Parenthood.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MarkShapiro
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2018
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I’m thinking about throwing a space themed party, but I'm not sure how to plan it.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasrservo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2019
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Dad, what are your thoughts on abortion?

Ask your sister.

But I don't have a-

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/owlsrule143
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2015
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My wife groaned at this one (Not in the sexy way either...)

One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.

Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.

(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)

Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."

Wife: "What?! Why?"

Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."

Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.

Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!

Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hephaestus1219
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2015
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When my wife was in labour, I tried to distract her by telling terrible jokes, but it didn’t work.

It must have been the delivery.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 207
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 01 2019
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The abortion clinic did not know what to do.

They were Unplanned Parenthood.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2016
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What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

EDIT: An older gentleman spent the whole afternoon in the gas station telling dad jokes to every customer that walked through the door. This was mine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/intergalactictrash
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2019
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A dad's joke about milk.

Some context: my dad listed the drinks we had, which read "orange juice, decaf, milk."

Me: (jokingly) Decaf milk?

Dad: All milk is decaf because we get it and the calf doesn't!

The man is legendary.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Fagballs3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2017
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How are dad jokes and cask cleaners similar?

They both end up scraping the bottom of the barrel.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/doryenas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2019
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My family told me to stop saying dead baby jokes

I had to Abort

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jaxsuperstar200
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2018
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I think my phone is a dad...

I was typing something about abortion and I accidentally started to misspell it.

My Phone: "Did you mean "antilabor"?

Me: "Well... yeah..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/anix421
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2019
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I actually submitted my own idea for a Deadpool movie.

He survives through to the 24th century and gets his own ship. He somehow runs afoul of a certain Bajoran captain who used to be a distinguished ensign on the Enterprise, under Captain Picard.

The movie then becomes about their conflict. The response from the studio wasn't kind. They said I should abort the idea. They said it would be too controversial to make a movie about Ro v. Wade.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Myntrith
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 14 2016
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A kid named Dexter

Wife: "One of my friends just named their kid Dexter. Would you ever name a kid Dexter?"

Me: "Yeah, that's a killer name!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mech_Wolf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2014
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President trump wants to abolish and reverse all the pro choice movements that have been made...

And there's no plan b.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2017
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