Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers

They're always raising the steaks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Why should you never be abducted by a group of mime artists

Because they'll do unspeakable things to you.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to her.

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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The cops told me my wife got abducted and to brace for the worst

I’m guessing she’s about to come back

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Androgymoose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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I was once kidnapped by a group of mimes

They did unspeakable things to me

πŸ‘︎ 217
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Beings from another planet abducted me and tried to convert me to Anglicanism.

I guess they were Episcopaliens.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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My dad died in 2004, we still get calls for him at times.

this happened a few years ago. It's about my dad and something my dad would have laughed hard at.

phone rings I pick up

me: Hello

TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr ThrashandBurn's Dad available?

Me: ahhhh no he isn't

TM: do you know a better way to reach him?

with out hesitation

ME: Not unless you got a shovel.

I could hear him holding back his laugh wile trying to give his condolences.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThrashAndBurn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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Me: "Dad, am I adopted?"

Dad: "Not yet, we're still trying to find somebody who wants you."

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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close encounter

one day, an alien appliance company named "Closen" decided to create a new and improved counter. Their plan was to create a slogan for it like "so good, even the humans like it!". But, they did need a human opinion. So, they abducted a human from Earth and introduced it to him.

"What do you think?" they translate to him. He shakes his head.

"Not for me, really".

Defeated, the aliens send him back down to Earth. As he reappears, many people surround him.

"Oh my goodness, are you ok? what happened?" They all screamed. He smiled, reassuring them.

"It's alright, it was just a Closen counter"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kittypawprints4me
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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Got a girl I've been talking to.

She sent me a picture of a card she had in 'Cards Against Humanity.'

It said, "Getting abducted by Peter Pan."

I told her it looks like things just didn't pan out.

Queue groans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExistentialSpirit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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Those aliens that abduct cows must be gamblers.

They're always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miketar85
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes...

They did unspeakable things to her

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I got abducted by a mime...

...He did unspeakable things to me...

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TunedInDropD
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to her.

πŸ‘︎ 733
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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