Abducting Puns

They're always raising the steaks

Because they'll do unspeakable things to you.

They did unspeakable things to her.

I’m guessing she’s about to come back

I guess they were Episcopaliens.

this happened a few years ago. It's about my dad and something my dad would have laughed hard at.

phone rings I pick up

me: Hello

TeleMarketer: Hello is Mr ThrashandBurn's Dad available?

Me: ahhhh no he isn't

TM: do you know a better way to reach him?

with out hesitation

ME: Not unless you got a shovel.

I could hear him holding back his laugh wile trying to give his condolences.

Dad: "Not yet, we're still trying to find somebody who wants you."

one day, an alien appliance company named "Closen" decided to create a new and improved counter. Their plan was to create a slogan for it like "so good, even the humans like it!". But, they did need a human opinion. So, they abducted a human from Earth and introduced it to him.

"What do you think?" they translate to him. He shakes his head.

"Not for me, really".

Defeated, the aliens send him back down to Earth. As he reappears, many people surround him.

"Oh my goodness, are you ok? what happened?" They all screamed. He smiled, reassuring them.

"It's alright, it was just a Closen counter"

She sent me a picture of a card she had in 'Cards Against Humanity.'

It said, "Getting abducted by Peter Pan."

I told her it looks like things just didn't pan out.

Queue groans.

They're always raising the steaks.

They did unspeakable things to her.

...He did unspeakable things to me...

They did unspeakable things to her