How many likes does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
Some of them were even prime!
Me: that sounds like a U problem
It kept running through his hands.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
go on, you know you want to party like its 2099
Before going to sleep, my dad looked at me, and in a serious tone informed me that he wouldn't speak to me again until I was 21.
Took all the strength I had not to facepalm.
Edit: he's getting some extra mileage out of the New Years line, "I haven't ___ all year."
My dad decided classic nursery rhymes are too graphic for today's youth. So he told my two year old daughter:
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
And his winter wasn't half bad either.
So it's my cousin's 21st and he does surf life saving. So he had a rowing oar set up for everyone to sign. Aaaand then dad sees it.
Dad: Wow, thats so inspiring.
Me: Why is it insp…
Dad: It's Oar!-Inspiring!
Uncle (Without hesitation): That joke was Oar…some!
both look around to see who's laughing
(edit; can't punctuate)
He's the top of his kindergarten class. Next week i will buy something special for is upcoming 21st birthday.
"...but it’s worth a shot."
"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad".
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him...
The man has a head for a son (Don't ask why) and the father is sad that his son can't do anything with him. He feels down and decides on his 21st birthday to take him to a bar.
He gets his son a drink and his son grow a torso, "Holy shit!" the father couldn't believe it.
He gives him more and more shots until he has a full body, The father than makes a toast for the occasion and they both take another drink, but the son disappears after drinking it.
The father looks to the bartender and asks "What happened to my son!"
The Bartender says "I don't know, but you should have stopped when he was a head."
Dad, this is the 21st century, take my Ipad. What can I say ... this fly didn't understand what exactly killed her.
Back before the world was supposed to end on Dec. 21st, 2012 a friend, and employee, of my fathers was certain the world would end. He quit his job, built a bomb shelter, and stocked it with enough canned food and guns for years.
When the world didn't end he called up my dad all pissed off that he wasted all his money on this stuff and he didn't need it, and my dads response:
"Hey man, just relax, it's not the end of the world."
My brother's best friend isn't a dad yet, but he sure will be up there as a corny dad when he is... Years ago we went to Applebee's to celebrate my brother's 21st birthday. My brother's friend wasn't 21 yet. While they were standing at the bar, my brother orders a beer. Then his friend proceeds to do this:
Bartender- "What are you having?"
Brother's friend- "I'll have a beer....that'll be a root beer." ::winks at bartender and shoots his finger::
Bartender- ::SILENCE::
Quick backstory: there is a bar in my town that all new alumni of the town's university sign upon graduation. My friends and I were in their celebrating a 21st birthday on Saturday and I just graduated. The bar is a restaurant in the daytime and they have great sundaes.
My friend asked the bartender for a sharpie so I could sign the ceiling. The bartender didn't have one and this was our exchange:
Me: "Ah let's come in tomorrow and get sundaes and I'll sign the ceiling."
Friend: "Sounds good to me."
Me: "It could be a sundate."
Friend: "Really...."
Me: "Convenient on Sunday!"
Friend: "Jokes on you it's going to be really cloudy!"
Me: "So then it's just clou-day."
Friend: "Get out." (Turns back to me while cringing)
During my 21st birthday this year, I was on a train back from Edinburgh to London. Halfway through the journey the train came to a halt, and the driver announced that the standstill was due to a herd of cows crossing the track.
Without any hesitation I exclaimed "well, it doesn't look like we're gonna be mooooving for quite some time..."
Everyone on the carriage groaned accordingly.
Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.
ME: Hi Tom,
Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.
I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.
Thomas Jefferson: Matt,
Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.
My SO recently visited me for my 21st birthday, and over the weekend I developed a bit of a cough. Today she texted me to ask how I was feeling.
"Still coughing?" "No, it's one of those moving coughs unfortunately." "Ha."
We might be young, but she knows good dad material when she sees it.
Happy Birthday from Columbus. Cathy (my mom) made you cookies. I ate them for you. Think of it as a slimming birthday present from your waist line to my belly! Your welcome! Happy 21st.
