Where did you find the one?
Because he has no 1
Mr. Pun enters a room and kills 10 people.
Pun in, Ten dead.
A pun walked into a bar and killed 10 people. Pun in, 10 dead.
The winner of this contest would receive a brand new Porsche, so a man got down to it and came up with the 10 best puns he could. He submitted the first, the second, and so on till he had entered them all in the contest. Alas none of his puns won the competition, no pun in ten did.
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
10+10=20 11+11=22
Cow-culus.
(Courtesy of my 10 year old.)
The second replies ‘I’m a big metal fan’
Courtesy of my 10 year old!
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
Launch meat!! (Courtesy of my 10 year old daughter)
I remembered a good Dad joke moment.
My wife and I had picked up our daughter and two of her friends. They were in the back of our minivan.
My wife inquired about one of the kids mothers that she was friends with since we hadn't seen them in a while. They moved because of work to another town.
I guess the job was going well and they were making a good deal of money. The kid said, "She doing good, but she's spending a lot of money. She remodeled the kitchen and bought 4K TVs."
They kept chatting lightly and when there was a lull in conversation, I quietly said, "That's a lot of TVs." Just loud enough for everyone to hear but not loud enough to really demand anyone listen.
But then it happened. An uncomfortable pause - the fabled pregnant pause - and they started talking again. No one said anything about it but I knew it landed.
After we dropped the kids off, the first thing my daughter said, "That was SO bad. "
This was at LEAST 10 minutes after I said it. She had been thinking about that joke the whole time. She said the other kids were like looking around like WTF?
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
Baby blue
(Anna, age 10, after I told her "What's blue and not very heavy?" "Light blue")
But 7 was scared of 2, 4 6 8 10
Usher responds: “10-Q”
Man responds: “You’re welcome. Now what’s my seat number?”
Oooooh!! About 10 minutes.
6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?
6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.
Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.
12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.
Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.
Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.
Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.
Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"
7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.
He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago to hear it tho...
Because of this, they were planning to strike. Upper management were able to make a deal with a day to spare. Some still weren’t happy. Only 7-10 split from the place.
And I’ll be Beethoven!
(Been rocking this joke since I was 10!)
Dave.
*joke from my 10 year old
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
***Because most people are offended at seeing Boo Bees! -My 10 yr old son
Dad: “10 of the happiest years of my life”
(They’ve been married 43 years)
Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.
"How'd you do?" she asks him.
"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"
"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
It was a very uplifting story. (Courtesy of my 10 year old)
Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger
Fast-10 your seat belts.
My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO
10-donitis
According to a recent survey, 8 out of 10 people agree that they make up 80% of the population.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-
Who’s the skinny one?
Pun in, 10 dead.
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
10 + 10 is twenty and 11 + 11 is also twenty two
Pun in, 10 dead.
10+10=20, 11+11=22
Did you know that 10+10 is the same as 11+11? 10+10 = twenty 11+11 = twenty too
