0 10 0 Puns

Where did you find the one?

Because he has no 1

Mr. Pun enters a room and kills 10 people.

Pun in, Ten dead.

A pun walked into a bar and killed 10 people. Pun in, 10 dead.

The winner of this contest would receive a brand new Porsche, so a man got down to it and came up with the 10 best puns he could. He submitted the first, the second, and so on till he had entered them all in the contest. Alas none of his puns won the competition, no pun in ten did.

10+10=20 11+11=22

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

It was a very uplifting story. (Courtesy of my 10 year old)

Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.

According to a recent survey, 8 out of 10 people agree that they make up 80% of the population.

Oral-B

Was sitting with my SO watching tv and an Oral-B commercial comes onto the screen. The commercial plays saying all the great things about their toothbrush, how effective it is against plaque buildup and that 9/10 dentist recommend it etc. after listening for a minute I look over at my SO and say “well it better be good, ORAL-B disappointed!”

10 minutes after bringing him home, he made a bolt for the door...

My friend just told me that pizza restaurants’ mozzarella is actually blended with provolone to make it more affordable and my only response was

“They cut the cheese?!”

And I’ve been laughing hysterically at my own joke for 10 minutes

10

“Like £10 notes” I told him

because you’re 11/10

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...

I knew there and then that she was the One!!

A mermaid!

Courtesy of my 10 year old daughter

There would be 10 but they lacked 8

A perfect 10 but purely imaginary.

...If you found a 10 dollar bill and a 2 dollar bill on the way.

5/10/1520

Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt

I would rate it 10/10

7 of the languages is 10 out of 10 but my German is 9

10 agreed to come and 39

10 years not running.

Because its 10-4

Receptionist: Ok, how about 10 tomorrow?

Me: No, I don’t need that many

"This is where the Magna Carta was signed," said the tour guide, "One the most important documents in English History."

"When was it signed?" asked Paddy.

"1215," said the tour guide.

"OH NO!" said Paddy, "We missed it by 10 minutes!"

Other Trucker: that a big 10-4

I had to go to court and was wearing a suit and tie. My 10 year old daughter thought this was fantastic for dress up was very interested. I took this as a teachable moment and wanted to tell her about showing respect for your personal appearance and showing up professionally. So I asked her, do you know why I dressed like this? She said to be professional. I said I want to show that I respect myself and I have respect for the court so I dressed accordingly. She laughed and said, "You mean you dressed acourtingly."

tl;dr

Daughter dad joked me about wearing a suit about dressing accourtingly

So my family has chickens and in order to understand how this pun came to be I must give a little background on a running joke my family makes. When our chickens do some crazy we’ll say something along the lines of “(chicken’s name) is on crack.” This was a few days ago so I don’t remember the exact words but it went something like this: Somebody: (chicken’s name) you need to get off of whatever crack you’re on. In my head: Wait a second, I feel like I can make a pun here... And about 10 seconds of thinking later I said some along the lines of “Or else we might have to call the poultrice!”

Get it? Poultry + police. Felt like a genius.

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? He must be plotting something.

7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

But numbers can. 7/10’(stolen from r/memes)

Who’s the skinny one?

Pun in, 10 dead.

10+10=20, 11+11=22

Because you’re 10/10!

It's 10/10 for me.

Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

A straight 10 but imaginary too

She's a perfect 10, but completely imaginary

Ok, How about 10 tomorrow?

No, I dont need that many.