2 10 0 Puns

Mr. Pun enters a room and kills 10 people.

Pun in, Ten dead.

A pun walked into a bar and killed 10 people. Pun in, 10 dead.

The winner of this contest would receive a brand new Porsche, so a man got down to it and came up with the 10 best puns he could. He submitted the first, the second, and so on till he had entered them all in the contest. Alas none of his puns won the competition, no pun in ten did.

10+10=20 11+11=22

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.

1. alright
2. alright
3. alright
4. alright
5. alright
6. alright
7. alright
8. alright
9. alright
10. absoutely briliant

Kamala finishes in just under twelve minutes and Joe is already waiting for her at the finish line.

"How'd you do?" she asks him.

"I finished in 10 minutes and 46 seconds. That's got to be a new record among Presidents, right?"

"No" Kamala replies. "Bush did 9:11".

Dad: “10 of the happiest years of my life”

(They’ve been married 43 years)

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

It was a very uplifting story. (Courtesy of my 10 year old)

Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.

Fast-10 your seat belts.

My wife and I just had our first child! (Well, she had him and I stood there all supportive like) Gibson is 10 weeks old now and ready for meme glory. https://imgur.com/gallery/NOL14WO

10-donitis

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

According to a recent survey, 8 out of 10 people agree that they make up 80% of the population.

10 minutes after bringing him home, he made a bolt for the door...

My friend just told me that pizza restaurants’ mozzarella is actually blended with provolone to make it more affordable and my only response was

“They cut the cheese?!”

And I’ve been laughing hysterically at my own joke for 10 minutes

10

because you’re 11/10

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

“Like £10 notes” I told him

Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
3. Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
4. Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
5. Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
6. Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
7. Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
8. Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
9. Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
10. Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
11. Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
12. Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
13. Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
14. When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
15. Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
16. Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
17. Always go straight home after work or school
18. Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
19. Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
20. Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
    Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.

A mermaid!

Courtesy of my 10 year old daughter

They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...

I knew there and then that she was the One!!

There would be 10 but they lacked 8

A perfect 10 but purely imaginary.

Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt

5/10/1520

...If you found a 10 dollar bill and a 2 dollar bill on the way.

I would rate it 10/10

10 years not running.

10 agreed to come and 39

7 of the languages is 10 out of 10 but my German is 9

Pun in, 10 dead.

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

10 + 10 is twenty and 11 + 11 is also twenty two

Pun in, 10 dead.

Did you know that 10+10 is the same as 11+11? 10+10 = twenty 11+11 = twenty too

10+10=20, 11+11=22

Because you’re 10/10!

It's 10/10 for me.

Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

A straight 10 but imaginary too