Wards Puns

Hines sight is 20/20

I was charged with committing a murder

Edit: but I had no choice. They were a bunch of psycrows

Nurse: The man run over by a steamroller? Wards 5, 6 and 7.

Womb temp.

She immediately said, “Oh, I see. Duel personality.”

… I think I’m having a midwife crisis.

It was a menthol hospital.

The Ultra Sound guy.

We are going ..through a midwife crisis.

The burn ward.

[My father told me this when I was young. Really]

Judge Mental

I was told he was pretty nutty

You turn a man into a fish, you get your funding suspended and investigated by the Ethics Committee.

"Do you want a piece of me?" I asked him.

The ICU.

Because it's Duty Free

Howard

It’s hobbit forming.

Ok, ok, it’s just a joke, don’t Mordor me.

…he was visiting patients in a brand new hospital. He'd been shown into a ward and began chatting to a patient who replied:

"Fair fa your honest soncie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin race, Aboon them a' you take your place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As lang's my airm"

Confused, Cameron grinned and moved to the next patient and said hello. The patient replied:

"Some hae meat and canna eat, And some was eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit"

Even more confused, he moved to the next patient and before he could say hello the patient chanted:

Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, Wi' bickering brattle!"

Seriously concerned about his safety Cameron hastened away and then turned to the ward sister and asked; "What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?"

She replied "No Prime Minister, it’s the Burns unit."

A doctor notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but what are you doing?"

The man ignores the doctor and continues, now taking everyone's blood pressure.

"Sir, I'll ask you again", says the doctor, "why are you here and what are you doing?"

Ignoring the doctor again, the man then begins to take everyone's blood and starts processing it through the hospital's examination equipment.

"Right!" Shouts the doctor. "Now you're testing my patients!"

A milk dud, or an udder failure?

Boy was that job auck-ward.

They put me in the awk ward

So they make sure it’s set at womb temperature.

ICU

Father

Well I'll be dammed...

In case he got a hole in one!

The ICU.

So I went inside, put him down, took one of the clean babies, and left.

He was eventually admitted to the Infinity Ward.

…but I thought about it and changed my mind.

It was open Mike night!

She didn’t react.

She says, "yeah, I could stand to pee."

I said, "No, you should probably still sit so it doesn't get everywhere."

My first, "official dad" dad joke. How'd I do?

He was a four ward thinking man.

If you had been, we were going to name you Carson….

Midwife crisis

The ICU

It’s a midwife crisis.

They put me in the awk ward.

It’s a mid-wife crisis.