Past present and future walk into a bar

It was a tense moment.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-sharkey97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my grammar teacher, "My dad is worried about my test scores." She said "He was stressed."

You know, cos Pa's tense.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar.

Things got a little tense.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What's new?

The past tense of snow.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sherrymacc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Two grammarians were arguing;

it was a case of a tense mood engendering a number of negative aspects.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my doctor I keep dreaming I've turned into a wigwam or a teepee.

He said, "You're too tense".

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone thought I was stupid and tried to explain what a sawhorse is

But I shut him down immediately because I'm well aware that it's the past tense of seahorse

Thanks

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between being killed and being dead?

The tense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YouCube26
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
When the past, present, and future go camping they always argue.

It's intense tense in tents

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?

He is too tense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
William is nervous about his life prospects

Will is future tense

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ewormPL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift

After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: I'm a tepee. No, I'm a wigwam. No, a tepee...

My therapist: Calm down. You're too tense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was watching my boyfriend play video games.

He kept shooting and not hitting the other spaceship and was getting angry about it. After about the third time:

Me: Well, what are you using?

Him: Huh? (still focused intensely on game)

Me: Like for artillery, what are you using to shoot?

Him: Missiles.

Me: Ah, well there's your problem.

Took a few minutes, but eventually he realized.

It was the most tense moment of our relationship so far.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alfwight
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
🚨︎ report
If you got anxious while diagramming sentences at the blackboard,...

you were parsed tense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyckname
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Let me know if any of these make you laugh!
  1. What's a dentist's favorite time? Tooth-hurty!
  2. How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  3. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
  4. The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. Wow, it was tense!
  5. All my lamps are gone... and I couldn't be more de-lighted!
  6. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  7. Chemists give the best advice, they've got all the solutions.
  8. A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”
  9. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
  10. I had to make these bad science jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Did any of them make you laugh? Don't tell me no pun in ten did!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BrujaBean
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I passed my son a bag of chips and he said, β€œWhy, thank you!”

I replied, β€œBecause it’s the polite thing to do.”

There was a tense silence in the car for the next few miles.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smith-Corona
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Some of My Favorites

What do you call two crows sitting on a branch? Attempted murder.

A photon walks into a hotel and goes to the desk to check in. The bellhop walks up and asks if he needs help with his luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."

The Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Did you hear what happened to the man that was chilled to 0 degrees Kelvin? He was OK.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.

What do you call Batman when he leaves church early? Christian Bale

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zimxur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent statistical study shows that 20% of the people...

...Are two tense!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what's inconvenient about English verbs?

They're rather tense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitsesen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar.

It was very tense.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cuddlemath
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar

And things got a little tense.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar,

Things got a little tense.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk into a room.

It was tense

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar

Things got a little tense

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The past,The present and The future entered a bar

It was tense

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Onowl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor, told him I keep having these dreams I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam. Teepee then a wigwam. What's wrong with me, I asked.

Oh, that's easy, said the doctor: you're two tents. (too tense)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Past, present and future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk into a bar

It was tense

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk into a bar

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pomfritten__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk in to a bar..

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wedge001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk into the bar,

Things got a bit tense.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Past, Present and Future walked into a bar...

...it was tense...

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheSphinx1906
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar.

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The past, present and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1Alphanate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The future, the past and the present walked in to a bar.

Things got a little tense

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DuckyDGaming
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor’s advice ...

I told by doctor I kept having a dream that I was a teepee, I was a wigwam. Teepee/Wigwam.

He told me my problem, I am too tense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Acepeefreely
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The Past, Present and Future walked into a bar

It was tense

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/denbroc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.

Things got a little tense.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatTheCoolyDude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What happens if the past, the present and the future meet in a bar?

It gets pretty tense.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1tzLenny
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.

It was tense!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar.

Things got a little tense.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ambidextrousone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Past,present and future walked into a bar

It was tense

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sparkyfam9000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
The past, present, and future walk into a bar...

It was tense.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bignate1213
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report

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