A list of puns related to "Yanks"
"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"
I couldn't tell if it was part of the massage or if she was just pulling my leg.
Until I fell into the sink (ie the basin for the yanks).
It scares the dog
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.'
I evacuated instead of remaining in my pew.
Me: "Hmm, I wish I could pull off her short hair, I never could"
Him: "Aw, I'm sure you could. I'll hold her down while you yank it out"
Didn't see that coming.
Edit: thanks guys I didn't realise fiance/e has genders.
My dad: "We have some hydrangeas, except the deer ate them down to one inch." My uncle: "So I guess they're low-drangeas now." I chuckled, but my aunt sighed heavily.
Years ago my dad got his ring finger torn off, so now all he has is a little stub.
So now when he meets new people he puts ketchup on it and puts a Chinese finger trap on. He walks up to them and puts on a flustered face. When they tell him he needs to "push together" he replies with "don't be stupid that won't work!"
He then proceeds to yank his finger out.....that's my dad.
So I was pouring a cup of coffee when the lip of the cup caught on the spout of the coffee pot causing some hot coffee to splash on my hand, instinctively I yanked my hand away like a scalded cat.
Customer: "oh my God, are you ok?!β
Me: "Yeah, it's fine. It's only a..Light Roast."
Hank the Yankee yanked his hanky.
She was in bed before me and I yanked the covers off her when I got in bed. She threatened to cut me off for a month...
"I haven't gotten laid all year, what's one more month?"
so he yanked out his side mirrors because he didn't want to look back.
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
I start with just having a normal conversation like normal people do while I wait for an opportune time to slip in this story of mine.
The Story:
Did you hear about that kid on the bridge with the brick about a year ago? Yeah, this kid was apparently on an overpass for I-95 (nearby interstate. Locality makes it believable.) with a brick tied to a rope. He just sat there swinging it at passing cars, breaking their windshields just for a laugh. Eventually, the brick got caught in one and didn't come back out like it usually did. Instead, this time, the rope got wrapped around his arm and the sudden yank pulled his arm clean off. The driver tried to sue, but got nowhere because it was a kid. However, the driver was arrested for armed robbery.
Gets groans every time.
My dad shipped up a bike to my dorm and I got everything put together except the handle bar (there was a missing piece) and I texted him to tell him the situation. Here's how the conversation went.
Me: I think I got most of it... but I feel like I'm missing something cause I can't attach the handlebar.
Dad: Sounds like you just need to get a handle over the situation
Me: Oh dear... -.-
Dad: Haha I'm just... yanking your chain.
So my dad and I have this thing where we try to make each other mad by picking little fights and petty arguments (all in good fun of course). During dinner I started one, so he looks at my mom and says...
Dad: "Why must he always yank dad's chain, why can't he yank mom's chain?" Me: "Don't be ridiculous dad... Mom's not wearing a chain"
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