... so I bought a seal iron
An irony board
Then does that mean they’re berryatric?
We've been in the gene pool too long
They won't fit on the ironing board.
Because if they were tiny, smooth and white, they'd be TicTacs.
I don't think it works though... I didn't get any younger. In fact, I got more wrinkly!
Man: How do you know? I just walked in!
Doctor: Your clothes are all wrinkly.
My mom is looking in the mirror and says “My face is wrinkly; my arms are flabby; I look so fat.” She turns to My dad and says “I need a compliment”. He says “Your eyesight is perfect” !!!!
“Irony is the opposite of wrinkly”
> Me: You know, the opposite of irony is wrinkly.
> Dad: Oh that's a good one! I am im pressed.
Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.
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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?
My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.
He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"
I like to think he slept on the couch that night.
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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.
An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.
"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"
My dad thinks on it for a second.
"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."
He got the job immediately.
(For those needing the reference)
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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!
