An elderly inventor was becoming depressed with his life: his hearing was failing, his wife was always nagging him, he hadn't invented anything good in years, and his former good looks had been replaced by wrinkles and sagging skin.

He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.

His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then asks "What on earth is this thing, and how this supposed to help your depression?".

"Honey, the doctor told me working on this should have me feeling better in no time!" replies the man. He then proceeds to describe in detail how the machine cracks eggs, steams them, and flips them out onto a plate in under a minute, all at the touch of a button.

"But what on earth does this have to do with your depression? What did that quack doctor tell you to do?" asks the wife

The man replies: "He told me to work on my self egg-steam".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Who do you call when you want to get rid of wrinkles

Iron man

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyhighjams
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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What kind of medical condition causes wrinkles clothes?

An iron deficiency.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Misplaced_Texan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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β€œHey Tony, how is it that your shirts are always wrinkle free?”

Iron, man.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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My wife was wanting to throw a shirt into the dryer to get the wrinkles out but she wanted to spray it with water first. She couldn’t find a spray bottle close by so she instead grabbed the iron to spray it... talk about the ultimate irony.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vonberns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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More often than not, I have to straighten my wrinkle-free shirt...

With my irony-ng board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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I bought some wrinkle cream the other day. What a waste of money that was.

My shirts still need ironing...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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I saw an article in the news claiming a cure for forehead wrinkles

Talk about headline news

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2016
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What do you call the directors at the Wrinkle Free Association?

The Ironing Board.

On the nose, but I just made it up. At least I have never heard it before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApexDovah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..

..no one even raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.

But atleast she has a smoothie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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What is brown, wrinkled, and lives in a tower?

The lunch bag of Notre Dame

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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Today I diagnosed someone with wrinkled clothing. He had an iron deficiency
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aspat7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Why do ranchers have wrinkled noses?

Because they spend all day smelling that dairy-air.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Panoptic0n8
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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My dad said, β€œI think you have an iron deficiency.”

I said, β€œHow do you know? You are not a doctor.”

He said, β€œYour shirt is wrinkled.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Why was the wrinkled shirt feeling so fatigued?

Because it wasn’t getting enough iron.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Why are elephants big, gray, and wrinkled?

If they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirin.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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My ex-girlfriend hated wrinkled clothes.

She was very irony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redking20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she had just ironed.

I watched it all unfold.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.

I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
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I went into the library and asked for a book on turtles.

The lady said, "hardback?" I replied, "yes, with little wrinkled heads"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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I found the Fountain of Youth and sat in it for early 5 hours!

I don't think it works though... I didn't get any younger. In fact, I got more wrinkly!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kickballer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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Wife dropped this one on our honeymoon.

We're unpacking our bags on our cruise ship. I complain that all my clothes are wrinkled and there's no ironing board in the cabin. She replies:

"Don't worry. Everyone here's in the same boat."

She was already starting to laugh before she stopped talking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cander79
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2016
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If you leave a grape out in the hot sun, it will shrivel and dry up.

Just raisin awareness.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2016
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The pearly gates

St. Peter was guarding the Pearly Gates, waiting for new souls coming to heaven. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough. OK."

So Jesus manned the gates for St. Peter. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to sit down and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What did you do for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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A man is auditioning for a role in an opera production the local opera company is putting on.

He's been practicing for this role for months. He goes down to the opera house on the day of the audition, only to find he's come down with a sore throat and can't hit his notes anymore. In a panic, he asks one of the directors if they can postpone his audition.

"I'm sorry," says the director, "but we can't delay an audition for just one performer. That would set a bad precedent. Instead, I'll let you in on a little opera house secret." The director pours the man a cup of warm, smelly liquid. "Drink this. It's a special tea to help your throat. The recipe has been passed down for decades in this opera company, and I guarantee it will make you able to sing again."

The man wrinkles up his nose and takes a swig. "Euch! This is... awful! What's in this tea anyways?"

"Well, it's a secret herbal tea blend made with... well... fish broth." The director replies. "Tuna, specifically. We've found it helps soothe the throat better than any other fish we've tried."

Sure enough the man is able to sing again! He hits all his notes and gives an exemplary performance.

At the end of the auditions, he finds the director that gave him the tea. "So... what did you think? Did I get the part or not?" He asks.

"I'm sorry," said the director, "you performed well, but we've decided to give the part to someone else."

"That's OK," the man says, "I'm just really grateful for the Opera-Tuna-Tea."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kojo2047
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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Destroyed my wife yesterday with this dad joke

Wife: "Look at my hands. They're getting wrinkles. I'm old. I bet my ovaries are just shriveling up as we speak."

Me: "I don't know, I think you're...ovary-acting."

Wife: [long pause and sigh] "I deserved that..."

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero44
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2016
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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Dad joked by one of my students at an all girls school.

I was teaching about naming ionic compounds and said that "we have one more wrinkle to go through, so take a look at this example with iron" and one girl started cracking up. I didn't understand why so she said we had to iron the wrinkle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdiap
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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My mom is actually a dad...

My mom is disabled and we have to bathe her on a regular basis so today after we'd cleaned her up I asked:

Me: "So how do you feel? Like a million dollars?"

Mom: "Yeah, green and wrinkled."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlyFree3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
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Elephant joke.

Why is an elephant big, gray and wrinkled?

Because if it was small, pink and puckered it would be an ass hole.

Like what the fuck?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quarterpinte
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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I was at my local burger joint waiting for an order...

... when a girl walked up and asked for a cheeseburger. She paid with $8 cash as she said, "Sorry it's wrinkled." "That's OK," said the cashier, "It won't be once I launder it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArrexB
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Dear daughter: Rules for usage of your prom dress I just spent an hour ironing

This was my contribution to my daughter's prom tonight.

Posted it to FB and gave my daughter some advice:

[daughter],

Today I learned that ironing is good meditation. While getting your dress ready, I came up with some rules:

Rule 1: Do not sit down in this dress, even (especially!) in a car. Sitting down will cause wrinkles, especially in the buttocks area. Long, 3-mile hikes to the high school can be very romantic.

Rule 2: Do not eat or drink in this dress. For fluids, since your arms will be bare, might I suggest an IV. For solids, have your manservant (aka "date") feed you with a long spoon while you wear one of those full-body aprons like at the barbershop.

Rule 3: Do not dance in this dress. Dancing--especially "touching" dancing--can cause wrinkles. If you really must experience physical contact during the slow dances, your date may grasp non-dress parts of you, such as your forearms or head.

Have fun at your first prom!

Love, Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
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dadjoked my dad

Dad: Why is your shirt so wrinkled?

Me: I must be depressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keez123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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Grandma wanted to go clubbing...

Grandma: clit_or_us, I have made up my mind, I'm going out with you guys tonight.

Me: OK, what are you going to wear?

Grandma: Nothing! Just tell them my outfit is wrinkled!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
🚨︎ report
I diagnosed a man with wrinkled clothing today

He had an iron deficiency

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dretland
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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Doctor: You have a severe iron deficiency. Me: How did you know? I just walked in!

Doctor: Your shirt is all wrinkled.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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Remember when cosmetic surgery was a very taboo subject?

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody even raises an eyebrow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bryce-I-guess
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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Doctor: I think you have severe iron deficiency. Me: How do you know?? I just walked in!

Doctor: Your clothes are all wrinkled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The doctor said to me, β€œYou have a severe iron deficiency.” Baffled, I asked, β€œHow do you know? I just walked in!”

He sighed, β€œYour shirt is all wrinkled.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I have an iron deficiency

All my clothes have wrinkles !

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bellarama727
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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