After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!
Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(
[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]
π︎ 33
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could make turkey and duck for dinner.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
I recently switched from using mayonnaise to using butter for making grilled cheese sandwiches. My wife said she liked them more with the butter, but kindly asked me if it was more work this way?
I answered: "It is, but only margarinely more."
Note: this really happened.
π︎ 353
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......
Now Iβm two hours late and I donβt even like Jim Carey
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
I recently found out my wiener doesnβt work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since itβs pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Went to pop a couple anti-inflammatory pills while getting ready for work and wife asks which brand I wanted
I said, βIβm taking Advil before Aleeveβ
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 07 2020
My wife: I gotta run to the grocery store after work
Me: wouldnβt it be easier to drive?
My wife: ....it was funny the first 100 times.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
My wife is returning to the office and thus has to go back to wearing work outfits. One of her complaints was that wearing a bra was such a drag...
Iβve always found them to be very uplifting.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
My wife asked me to give the cat a bath today while she was at work
My tongue is soo sore right now.
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
Whatβs the difference between work and my wife
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
Wife: Iβm not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I donβt know how to do C-Work.
Me: step 1, buy a boat.
Just happened. Not an official dad yet but sheβs 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 28 2020
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...
She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...
Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.
π︎ 59
π
︎ Apr 09 2020
Wife (we both live in the US): I have to make sure my work phone is on do not disturb mode before bed so I donβt get email notifications from co-workers in our office in Europe.
Me: Sure, because when they send email, they donβt care if youβre up.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day
βReally?β the coworker asks. βWhat showed you she really loved you?β
βShe was just really excited to have me around,β the man replied. βLike when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, βMy husband is home! My husband is home!ββ
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
Wife is working on the computer and says "i can't work in glasses"
I say, "why?, too many blind spots?"
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 26 2020
I called my wife and asked her if I should pick up Fish and chips on the way home from work and she hung up.....
She's still angry she let me name the kids
π︎ 407
π
︎ Oct 02 2019
When my wife was in labour, I tried to distract her by telling terrible jokes, but it didnβt work.
It must have been the delivery.
π︎ 204
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
Today my wife offered to give me a massage after I came home from work.
π︎ 180
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
I called my wife and told her that Iβll pick up Fish and Chips on the way from work. She didnβt respond.
She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.
π︎ 583
π
︎ Jan 30 2019
My wife was having a stressful day at work and just sent me a text "I'm losing my mind!"
I texted back "it's all in your head".
π︎ 15
π
︎ Oct 29 2019
I got a call at work the other day from a doctor at the hospital. He says "I have some bad news... It looks like your wife has been hit by a bus."
I said "But she has a great personality."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 09 2019
I told my wife about the importance of prep-work when refinishing furniture...
Now she thinks I'm in love with a stripper.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 28 2019
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
Iβm thinking of choosing a goat.
π︎ 48
π
︎ May 24 2019
I have big dreams about doing electrical work around the house, but my wife is the sensible one
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 30 2019
My wife walked into the house after a long day at work. She looked tired and stressed. I said, " Did anyone tell you, you look beautiful?"
She smiled and said "No"
I said "One day, One day"
π︎ 277
π
︎ Sep 08 2018
I accidentally used too much of my wifeβs moisturizer while getting ready for work.
Now I might have to call in slick.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work.
She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 05 2019
I was asking my wife for some work out tips, she suggested I try lunges
I thought, that's a big step.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 05 2019
Every time I leave work early to surprise my wife, she always greets me with these three special words.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Aug 13 2018
My wife was leaving for work and told me she was heading off.
I told her I'd prefer that she leave her head on
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 04 2019
I had just come home from work when my wife ran towards me and tore off her clothes.
At that moment my wife flashed before my eyes.
π︎ 17
π
︎ May 05 2019
Life has been going pretty well for me lately and my wife told me I need to work on being more humble.
I told her when it comes to humility I'm #1.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 07 2019
My wife got a hair cut, earrings, airpods, and makeup after she got a raise at work.
All that money really went to her head.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Nov 10 2018
Wife called me at work and said she was throwing some steaks in the pan for dinner last night.
I said, what happens if your throw misses? Do they become miss-steaks? Wife hung up the phone.
(True story, actually happened. )
π︎ 505
π
︎ Sep 05 2016
So my wife said I should go do some yard work. . .
So I went into the yard and played croquet.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 14 2019
A friend of mine whoβs works as a butcher, killed his wifeβs secret lover.
He was charged with man slaughter.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 17 2019
My wife said she doesn't understand how cloning works.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 25 2019
My wife called me at work and said, βHon, Iβm having contractions. I need you to drive to the hospital.β
I got there as soon as I can and called her back , βRight. Iβm now at the hospital. What do you want me to do now?β
π︎ 31
π
︎ Sep 04 2018
π︎ 25
π
︎ Feb 01 2017
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
I called my wife and told her that I will pick up Fish and Chips on the way home from work. She didn not respond.
She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
I called my wife and said that Iβll pick up pizza and coke on the way home from work. But I was met with a stony silence.
I think she still regrets letting me name the kids.
π︎ 254
π
︎ Sep 04 2018
I called my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up cheeseburgers and fries on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me...
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins...
π︎ 323
π
︎ Sep 17 2017
I texted my wife that Iβll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. She didnβt respond.
I think she regrets letting me name our kids.
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jun 07 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
