Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
I'm thinking on getting a new job.
Working in a mirror factory is something I could see myself doing.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Why are cops allowed to sleep on the job?
Because they have the right to a rest!
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
A mailman starts his first day on the job in Amsterdam.
He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?
He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Did you know being a minute is the most dangerous job on the planet?
Because every 60 seconds, a minute passes
π︎ 34
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
This was on my mind for a while after being a candidate for so many job openings.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
My grandpa used to have a job keeping score at baseball games. Every time someone scored a run, he'd whack up a mark on a chalkboard.
Nowadays you'd call him a scorekeeper, but back then he was a tally whacker.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
Iβm a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....βlooks like you have the best jobβ he says, βwhy is that?β I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
Why did the job applicant kick the door on his way into the interview?
So he could try to get a foot in the door
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 28 2020
During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...
...that's where I finally had to draw the line.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
Swimmers are like some astronomers. Their job depends on meaty oars.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
I want to get a job as a stunt devil that lights their butt on fire
Just something I ass pyre to
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
A ha, he took on the job.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 19 2020
My cocky jockey friend likes to brag about how he gets to smoke weed while on the job.
I told him to get off his high horse.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 05 2020
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, βIβm not the type of guy who drinks on the job.β
I said, βYeah, you wouldnβt want youβre boss to catch you shit faced.β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
Our maintenance guy lost his legs on the job,
Now heβs just a handyman.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
As a master electrician of 22 years, I've never had an accident on the job.
When I finally had an accident at work, I was shocked.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Nov 03 2019
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 08 2019
My first job was telling golfers how much time a scratch player should take to complete a hole on the golf course...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 26 2020
How do electricians warn each other about dangers on the job?
"Careful: this mega hurts"
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 27 2019
The fireman was injured on the job. Some say he was pushed, some think something fell on him.
I think it was the latter.
(Thought up this gem while trying to sleep at 3 am. lol.)
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 01 2019
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine
I'm under a lot of pressure
π︎ 74
π
︎ Jan 02 2019
I got fired for changing the wood on my jobs counter
I was just trying to spruce up the mood
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 13 2019
My friend used to have a job of working on the set of a 1990 horror miniseries...
He was an IT professional.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
I quit my job as a postman on my first day, right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and said, βThis isnβt for me.β
π︎ 35
π
︎ Dec 19 2018
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 20 2019
I'm going to open a clothing alteration shop that focuses on doing all jobs within an hour.
It will be called, Tailor Swift.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 30 2016
Did you hear about the lumberjack that got hurt on the job?
It took a little tree-tment but he is a lot better now.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 05 2019
Lately I have been lying on all of my job applications.
I found them all stuffed under my mattress.
π︎ 107
π
︎ Sep 18 2018
Do you have to go to school to drive a train? or do they just TRAIN you on the job?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 15 2019
My friend said his job really takes a toll on his mood
I asked what his job was
He said βSoda pressingβ
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 05 2019
There was a man that wanted to quit his job as a kids party entertainer but kept on procrastinating. Then one day he woke up and said to himself...
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 22 2019
While all physical labor jobs are hard on your body...
...Coal miners really get the shaft.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 15 2019
My dwarf friend wasnβt doing too well on his job as a waiter and got fired.
He was struggling to put food on the table.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Sep 17 2018
What did the goat farmerβs wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
βNot in front of the kids!β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 09 2019
I was really nervous my first day on the job at a waste management company.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 12 2019
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
i lost my job at the bank on my very first day.
A lady asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over.
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
π︎ 110
π
︎ May 28 2020
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
π︎ 121
π
︎ May 04 2020
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance....
π︎ 17
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
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