Wit happens
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whoosp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked Carrie if she understands what the consequences would be if every "st" was replaced wit a "w"

Carrie underwood

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
That's some sharp wit right there.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Oh those Europeans. Such wit
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captainspookle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If you stimulate your wit in the right way

you'll have a sarcasm

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wibble_from_mars
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Just remember in a running race, use your wit

You have to stay one step ahead of the rest

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ogg1n
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Not necessarily a dad joke, but a good retiree joke/brief story just using that wit.

A Retiree's Last Trip to Sam's Club

Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen , the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two handfuls every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care,because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thefluffydinosaur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend's razor sharp wit

So after half an hour of trying to shave with an old razor, I walk out of the bathroom and say to my boyfriend "Honey, remind me to get a new razor, this one's blunt." and he replies "Well, I don't think one that beats around the bush would be much use either."

Groans ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aggibridges
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
🚨︎ report
My grandfather passed away last week, but never lost his quick wits

While at the hospital, a nurse walked into my grandfather's room for a routine checkup. This exchange happened during their conversation:

Nurse: "Have you felt any fluttering in your chest?" Grandfather: "Only since you walked in!"

My grandfather was always quick to the draw, and I'll miss him dearly.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmysterling
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2013
🚨︎ report
Just a tiny sample of my dad's awesome wit

Last week, my grandmother got minor surgery on her eye. When my dad saw her come out with the dressing over her eye he nudged me and said 'Look! Nana got an ipad!'.

He then went up to her and says,'How'd the surgery go Patsy? Or is it Patchy now?'.

I totally laughed my ass off!

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flabberghastly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
🚨︎ report
"Puns are the lowest form of wit" -Samuel Johnson

Sorry to dampun your spirits

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluedev1990
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
I love my dad for all of his "wit."

Baba: What day is it?

Me: I think it's Tuesday...

Baba: (giggles to himself for a good 15 seconds) No, Hanaa.... I think it's THREES-DAY!!!

(repeats joke indefinitely)

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paranoidhandroid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Made my sister sea my wit with this one

Her: How would you feel if you were a pickle?

Me: I'd be salty

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Quick wit from dad in the kitchen

Cooking with my dad while my golden retriever sits in the middle of the kitchen watching... Dad tells dog to get out of the kitchen, and I say "Ah, he's just here for moral support." Without missing a beat, dad responds, "More like morsel support." Heh.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orangeblood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad was a radio host remembered best for his wit. Thought I'd share a couple jokes he told on air.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

My contrary Aunt Margaret drowned recently. They found her upstream.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2014
🚨︎ report
User me_and_batman shares a story of his father's wit. reddit.com/r/cringe/comme…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/countdownkpl
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.