Why did the bodybuilder pour wine on his stomach rather than drink it?

He was trying to abstain from alcohol

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👤︎ u/waddupmanitsjohn
📅︎ Jul 24 2019
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Asked my dad to pour me a little glass of wine... imgur.com/GtiIygi
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📅︎ Nov 30 2013
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Me while pouring a glass of wine: "Do you know why it's coming out so slowly?"

Wife: ? Me: "There's a bottle neck."

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👤︎ u/yossyrian
📅︎ Jun 29 2017
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A rare child free night, a fancy restaurant. Waiter tells us the wine he's pouring has "strong tannins." I turn to my wife and tell her if the wine turns orange it's definitely a knock off...

... because of the fake tannin.

I grin, she groans and drinks more wine.

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👤︎ u/chibolamoo
📅︎ Dec 03 2017
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Red's Whine - a weird poem I wrote

Poor Red,
Poor Red whines,
Pour red wine,
Pour red wine to mend Red's mind.
Mind the wine that ends Red's whine.
Find the time to send more wine.
For poor Red's whine, we pour more wine.
We dread the time when poor Red whines.

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👤︎ u/Raylan_Givens
📅︎ Sep 18 2019
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Dadjoked my girlfriend at dinner.

So we were eating dinner tonight, which is a rare treat because our work hours don't leave much overlapping free time. I had a dark glass with white wine with dinner. She asked what I was drinking, and I decided to recall a friend's joke.

Gf: boss_ginger, what are you drinking? Me: Oh, just water. Do you want it? I can pour another glass. Gf: Please, thank you. takes sip ... Gf: This is wine... Me: Raises hands into the air, leans back in chair Praise the LORD and his miracles!

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👤︎ u/boss_ginger
📅︎ Apr 09 2014
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Grandad joked last night...

My grandad comes over for a glass of wine or two every monday and he pours a glass and says to me

"oh, do you want a glass?"

i said "no thanks, i'm not much of a wine person"

to which he replied "but you whine all the time..."

he bested me this time.

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👤︎ u/thebenprocter
📅︎ Sep 09 2014
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At the winery...

My wife and I are at the winery with my parents and the guy pouring samples is just flirting with all of the women, including my mom and wife, and telling dirty jokes, which is no big deal, but I don't really appreciate him calling wine "panty dropper" when he pours it for my mom. That kind of weird stuff, y'know?

Then he tells a story that he has an identical twin brother, and when they were infants, people would always ask his mother how she tells the two of them apart.

"I can tell them apart by their balls,"

And we're all like, "Jesus, enough with the gross out humor already," but he finishes the joke; "One of the babies bawls all day, the other bawls all night,"

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👤︎ u/elbr
📅︎ Mar 21 2014
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Drinking wine with my parents when my dad duped me

My dad asked my mother to pour him another glass. She poured the wine the same way you would pour water into a bottle, but it is common knowledge that you must tilt the wine glass for a proper pour.

Me: "Aren't you supposed to pour it on an angle?"

Dad: "Why yes, how else would the wine come out?"

I nodded and silently wished I could be half the man he is one day.

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👤︎ u/mitharris
📅︎ Jul 30 2014
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