What do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers

Bear Grills

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carcival
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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I want to write a screenplay about a Hollywood director who camps out in the wilderness until the pandemic passes.

His name is Tentin’ Quarantino.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spsheridan
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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When my British friend goes out in the wilderness, he sleeps in his car trunk...

He calls it boot camp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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How do you call for help when lost in the wilderness?

By using a mobile fern.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xREZ0LUTI0N
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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How does a crazy person find their way out of the wilderness?

They just take the pyscho path

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Never post selfies from within the wilderness.

Because you'd have to pay selfies… er, cell fees, if you do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2016
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Some Campy Humor

Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.

"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.

"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.

The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:

"Clearly the Czech is in the male."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
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I was trying to think of a really good punchline. This is as best as I can do

Floyd mayweather, Mike Tyson, Deontay Wilder and Earnie Shavers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperDavidYT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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Deontay Wilder fights a fan for getting 5,000 Likes on Facebook (X-post r/videos) youtube.com/watch?v=yGqvb…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeedleTB
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2014
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Olivia Wilde

...but Gene Wilder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xJohnnyQuidx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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My Dad's Wilder Times

While installing the sensor wires on our new garage door:

Me: "Dad, I need strippers."

Dad: "Son, I haven't had strippers around me for a long time."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arnelmethier
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
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My girlfriend and I were hiking yesterday, I was leading the way on the trail a bit ahead of her and she chimed out, "Is that a safe way?"

I said, "Honey, are you feeling okay? I don't think there are any grocery stores out here in the wilderness."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/winkyfacealbert
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
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Jason Bourne...

... is reliving the same day over and over in "Bourne Again"

... travels to the past to stop a terrorist attack in "Bourne yesterday"

... finally settles down and has a baby in "New Bourne"

... de-evolves into a feral beast who prowls the wilderness in "Bourne to be Wild"

Firstly, I think they really missed a trick naming these films.

Secondly... I know there are more of these...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalMikey666
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
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He didn't bi it

Male friend of mine, [Elton], is bi, told me about a crush he had on a guy he'd met through wilderness backpacking (relevant), and how he doesn't think he has a chance. Having no other information and an IT guy's policy of checking the obvious things first, I asked the dumb questions, via text.

>Me: So you're sure he's into guys
>Elton: Y E S
>Me: Okay, okay, just getting that straight
>Elton: A N G E R Y
>Me: But yeah, given everything else you've told me, I think you've got a chance
Me: Presuming he also knows the lay of the land
Elton: N O
Elton: S T A H P

I don't know why he keeps coming to me for relationship advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Canadian Water

So my daughter was filling out a form that was asking if she has left the country recently. Well, technically she has. She took a canoe trip over the border into a wilderness area.

I told her that since she didn't go to any populated areas or contact any wildlife that she could just say no. She argued and said "Well, i mean i did come into contact with Canadian water and land."

I said, "Well, that's different. You know Canadian water has a different chemical composition, right?"

She just looked at me.

"Yeah, it's H2O A?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFurrypants
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Overheard this dad joke while at work.

My coworkers were talking about the wilderness and how mountain lions and the like have been coming down into more populated areas and down by the lake.

Then another coworker chimed in with, "I heard you can find cougars at the bars"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midnightblade
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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