Hi there, I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to ever walk on the moon..
Stopped in the local cemetery on my walk
The groundsman said "Morning"
I said "Nah, I'm just having a piss"
Man walks into a psychiatrist office w/clear wrapping paper on
The psychiatrist says,"I can clearly see your nuts."
2 women in a restaurant, when a duck walks in with a huge bunch of flowers. He places them on the table and says,
"You two ladies are so beautiful with sparkling eyes. "
One of the women stopped him, called the waiter over and said, I ordered AROMATIC duck."
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his privite
The bartender asks “ you know you have a steering wheel on your private, right?”
The man replies “I know, it’s driving me NUTS!”
Terrorist walks into a bar and orders a vodka on the rocks
Bartender picks up a piece of ice, and asks "you like ice?"
Terrorist says "Yes, but more than one would be nice"
Bartender grabs another piece of ice and asks "so, you like ices?"
A man walks into the library and asks, "Do you have any books on poor eyesight."
"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
Last night, taking a walk on the beach... Came across a police car stuck in the sand about 3 feet from the water...I asked the driver what happened...
He said the police were expecting a crime wave
A woman walks up to a librarian and asks, "Do you have any books on Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat?"
The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
I went on a walk looking for nectar gathering insects....
thats right, I went on A Bee See(ABC)
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
A pirate walks into a bar and it was at that moment that he realized that his patch was on the wrong eye.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship wheel on his junk. Bar tender asks, "what's with the wheel?"
Pirate replies, "Yar, been driving me nuts."
A man walks in to a doctors with a strawberry growing on his head.
Doctor: Would you like some cream for that?
Today I saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which could mean just one thing.
A man walks in to a bar. On the bar is a duck tap dancing on a biscuit tin.
He is amazed and wants to buy the duck.
The man refuses at first but eventually agreed.
As the man walks out of the bar the now owner of the duck shouts.
Excuse me how do i stop the duck tap dancing.
Simple says the man lift up the tin and blow out the candle......
My dad told me he met that famous actor on his walk in the woods.
I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Wolverine walks in on Jean Grey sneezing without covering her mouth..
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.
And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. “13?”, the scientist asks, “I wanted a dozen!”
The lab clerk says “I thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”
A guy walks into his doctors office saying, “Help me, doctor, I’m shrinking.” “Hold on,” says the doctor,
So a peanut walks in on a cashew.
While on my early morning walk I came across a man look very sad
I stopped and asked him what the matter was, he told me his dog had died. I gave my sympathies and offered to get him another one, he just looks at me and says "sure what would I do with two dead dogs".
Being a wheelchair user must be wheelie hard to move on especially when someone walks out on you
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around.
I'm pretty sure I have the CORVID.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: Do you mind if I ask why you have a steering wheel on your belt buckle?
Pirate: Arrrrg, it’s drivin’ me nuts.
A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.
Pun in, ten dead
Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.
Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.
-Mic drop-
Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?
Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.
(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
We found two dead birds on our morning walk.
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?”
“Tiny” the man replies.
“What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” “Because…He’s my newt.”
I used to frequently go on walks...
...but too many customers complained of their stir-fry tasting like urine.
My friend bet me a subway sandwich that I couldn't walk on a tightrope without falling. He was right.
Went for a walk with my son and we saw a man on the side of the road yelling and swearing at his car. My son asked me what I thought the problem was...
I told him it was the car berater.
I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to walk on the moon.
A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towel on his head....
Bartender asks what that's all about.
Pirate says "arrrrrgh, I have a bounty on me head"
Hi I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.
I am buzz Aldrin, second man to walk on the moon...
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"
I just saw my wife walk by with her sexiest underwear on, which can only mean one thing.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.
The bartender says; "hey, what's with the paper towel?" And the pirate says, "Arrr, I've got a bounty on me head!"
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