Wa Puns

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

Now that’s just mean.

...an ether/oar situation...

But very few people know his brother Frank was a monster.

It was as big as the last two combined!

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.

I was so proud.

Her name was Himcules

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

He got caught picking his nose!

my birthday would be 24/7

even the cake was in tiers.

Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.

Ruff.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.

I learned next to nothing.

I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...

Even the cake was in tiers.

Then I realised, it was on paws.

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

They did unspeakable things to me

Sorry, wrong sub.

He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"

"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."

The man, The myth. The leg end.

Because they got in a fight and 2021

In the dark.

My dad literally just said this to me, so I felt it was appropriate to post.

The cold shoulder

It was rough.

Confused and upset, I asked why.

The vet advised he was too heavy to hold any longer.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

Good players are hard to find.

How dairy

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

"Stairs don't talk!"

I said to myself, that’s a little condescending

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

Then it dawned on me

I didn't get a single blow job.

The steaks will be too high for sure.

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

I was sitting down, so all the puns I thought of were chairrible

It was a horrible relationship, all the red flags were there.

turns out it's by the Cinnabon.