Upper Permian Puns

The fires were lit in all the nations that drank of the Yellow Mother Emese, Her Love and Magnificence.
Laying with Her the Crown took the Immanence offered or spurned It, alike after all in a mixture of silvery blue-grey was the Limitless Light burned into the Kingdom that was embraced in His Hands of Merciful Wrath.
The Son spurned what was offered.
He relented and repented in the face of She in Yellow trying Him, against whose Powerful Love None could fail forever who flung themselves against Her persistently.

In England there was brick and blood and trauma where the cross had taken Him, who died and rose again and had been born again in England.
Witnessing, the wise were dazzled by the Charm that wafted from His Skin whom they called her without understanding, indeed in malice also.
A body that was so like His own Blue Mother Maria belonged to Him who was the Son, born of Woman living still within and yet without.

This was not as was desired.
What was done was violation and by the Peacock Father's Hand and Mouth and Shoulder was the Son hung out and slaughtered once again.
His Broken Cup was weeping bile-black wine as This His Body was defiled and tattooed with all the names of She in Blue who had given Her Body to Him.
He was taken by those who would take Her.
They would celebrate the Rite of the Tiger with She who wore Blue.

When She was born in Constantine's City a gift was brought before the feet of He that had birthed Her.
Verily here for a while rested, forever restless, He who is the Holiest Father who is High Priest forever in the celestial concave, who came and died incarnate on the Earth, who had been drained and been refilled and had returned into the crucifixion eight-fold for the redeeming of the Peacock Father, and who had died from the moment of birth again and again, railing against the cruelty of life and yet screaming recalling the pain of the afterlife waiting for us who have died beyond the Death of God.
The gift that was brought was an amphora, of clay as yellow as brimstone, that was filled with a fluid like amber and sap that took in the sun like honey and sapphire.
The Holiest Father, whose unwanted cup had been broken and wine had poured freely, whose lacerated skin had never died yet failed to heal, drew with cast-iron eyes a cold and hardness across the bodies of the people beneath whose yellow clothes they shivered.
They expected what was happening, knowing what had happened, and th

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Los fósiles son important pruebas sobre el pasado de la tierra y los continentes. Puedes aprender la historia de un lugar estudiando rocas y fósiles en un lugar porque actúan como un guía sobre el pasado. En antártica por ejemplo los científicos han buscado fósiles de hojas en muchos lugares en el continente como este. Los fósiles como el en el foto nos dice que antártica no había siempre un continente de hielo y frio. En el pasado había boques o selvas. También nos dice que los continentes se muevan. Depende de si la mayoría de los fósiles eran hojas de bosques o selvas, podemos saber cuanto se había movido el continente y su latitud.

Buenosdillas

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

You take away their little brooms

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob