In my divorce settlement, my wife (now ex-wife) wanted only the boring things...

That's awl she wanted!

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ May 24 2021
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I was helping my dad with construction he told me to get the hammer but I accidentally gave him the drill

He said I could have nailed it, but I screwed up

👍︎ 74
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📅︎ Sep 02 2019
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What do you call a tech-savvy shovel?

An internet trowel.

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📅︎ Sep 09 2020
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Careful reading of labels is so important...

I just bought paper trowels and they're useless.

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📅︎ Jun 20 2020
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What does a gardener do when he's given up?

He throws in the trowel.

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📅︎ Apr 29 2019
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I feel like I had a good one in real life yesterday...

Mom: Why don't you use the trowel?

Me: Let's just call a spade a spade.

👍︎ 11
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📅︎ Oct 01 2017
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My mother thought she would be safe in the garden...

This morning while cleaning up the front yard, I overheard this short, but amazing exchange between my mother and father.

Mom: "Hey dad, did you see new sedum I planted? It looks amazing!"

Dad: "I know! I sedum, but I just can't believe 'em!"

My mother then dropped her trowel and walked back inside. Great job, dad.

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👤︎ u/Snazzlo
📅︎ Jun 21 2015
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My Dad Loves his Construction Jokes

Dad: Did you know that mason apprentices learn on a trowel and error basis?

Dad: Hueehhh huueehhh hueegghhh

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Jul 22 2014
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