What do you call someone who commits a murder with a deck of cards that only has clubs, spades, and diamonds?

Heartless

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lego_luke
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

An ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mtcarr79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Calling a spade a spade
πŸ‘︎ 292
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jussymane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My kid got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spadeβ€”all without my permission.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I bet the creator of the shovel was paid in spades for his invention.

The shovel was truly groundbreaking!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/USAneedsAJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesia271
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Hand me the 1" spade bit. "Which one's the spade bit?"

The one without the ovaries.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b1naryd0g
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Tony the Tiger is dead... Murdered!

It was a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
Marriage is like a deck of cards

It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Found during a surf of r/memes top posts
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tskcool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Funny, sad, and too often true.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond...

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pilot made of shovels?

An Ace of Spades.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chockaday12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I like to combine words like hay and maze to mayze

But when I swap for aces of spades, I'm trading Spaces

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maxxbreaker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Pokermon
πŸ‘︎ 197
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hardypart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
🚨︎ report
How important was the invention of the shovel?

It was ground-breaking

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Buckley2111
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I feel like I had a good one in real life yesterday...

Mom: Why don't you use the trowel?

Me: Let's just call a spade a spade.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FerralWombat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Marriage is like a deck of cards...

All you need to start of is two hearts and a diamond but come the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on my front porch?

Mat!

my father loves these jokes back in the day. whos familiar with them all?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angrydispatcher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted me to mark a carton of eggs as "hard boiled"

I wrote "Sam Spade" on the top

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteelKidney
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Why don't you play poker with a hardware store owner?

because they are flush with spades

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThrashAndBurn1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joked by my own 9-year old son

Picture it, me about to do some drilling around the house. I pick up a drill bit to put into the power drill.

Son: What's that? (pointing at the bit)

Me: A bit

Son: So I guess a byte is eight times longer than that, huh?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TyrannicalDuck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a comedian playing poker?

A Jack of all Spades, Master of Puns.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FyreFlu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Playing poker

I was at my friend's poker night and we were playing texas hold 'em. On one of the hands the flop was a 3 of spades, a 7 of clubs, and a 2 of hearts.

Nobody really had anything so far and the hand went:

Friend 1 (small blind): "Check"

Friend 2 (big blind): "Check"

Friend 3: "Check"

Friend 4: "Check"

Friend 5: "Check"

Friend 6: "Check"

Me (dealer): We must be in the Czech Republic

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thebearjew559
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Dads and purses

My sister, my dad, and I were waiting for our table at a restaurant. Dad sees my sister with her new Kate Spade purse.

Dad: "Why did you take that Kate girl's purse? It even has her name on it!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bluesie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking
πŸ‘︎ 680
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikDied
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.