What do you call someone who commits a murder with a deck of cards that only has clubs, spades, and diamonds?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/lego_luke
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

An ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/mtcarr79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Calling a spade a spade
πŸ‘︎ 293
πŸ‘€︎ u/jussymane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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My kid got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spadeβ€”all without my permission.

I might have to deal with him later.

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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I bet the creator of the shovel was paid in spades for his invention.

The shovel was truly groundbreaking!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USAneedsAJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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What do you call a man with a spade on his head?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/amnesia271
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2015
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Hand me the 1" spade bit. "Which one's the spade bit?"

The one without the ovaries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b1naryd0g
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2015
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Tony the Tiger is dead... Murdered!

It was a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
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Marriage is like a deck of cards

It starts with Hearts and Diamonds and ends with a Club and a Spade

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
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Marriage is like a card game.

At first, you have two Hearts and a Diamond, but at the end, you'll want a Club and a Spade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Found during a surf of r/memes top posts
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tskcool
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2018
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Funny, sad, and too often true.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond...

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capngloval
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
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What do you call a pilot made of shovels?

An Ace of Spades.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chockaday12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I like to combine words like hay and maze to mayze

But when I swap for aces of spades, I'm trading Spaces

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxxbreaker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ‘€︎ u/hardypart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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How important was the invention of the shovel?

It was ground-breaking

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buckley2111
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2018
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Marriage is like a deck of cards...

All you need to start of is two hearts and a diamond but come the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ‘€︎ u/dacs1306
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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I feel like I had a good one in real life yesterday...

Mom: Why don't you use the trowel?

Me: Let's just call a spade a spade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FerralWombat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on my front porch?


my father loves these jokes back in the day. whos familiar with them all?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/angrydispatcher
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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My wife wanted me to mark a carton of eggs as "hard boiled"

I wrote "Sam Spade" on the top

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteelKidney
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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Why don't you play poker with a hardware store owner?

because they are flush with spades

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThrashAndBurn1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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Dad joked by my own 9-year old son

Picture it, me about to do some drilling around the house. I pick up a drill bit to put into the power drill.

Son: What's that? (pointing at the bit)

Me: A bit

Son: So I guess a byte is eight times longer than that, huh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TyrannicalDuck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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What do you call a comedian playing poker?

A Jack of all Spades, Master of Puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FyreFlu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Playing poker

I was at my friend's poker night and we were playing texas hold 'em. On one of the hands the flop was a 3 of spades, a 7 of clubs, and a 2 of hearts.

Nobody really had anything so far and the hand went:

Friend 1 (small blind): "Check"

Friend 2 (big blind): "Check"

Friend 3: "Check"

Friend 4: "Check"

Friend 5: "Check"

Friend 6: "Check"

Me (dealer): We must be in the Czech Republic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thebearjew559
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
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Dads and purses

My sister, my dad, and I were waiting for our table at a restaurant. Dad sees my sister with her new Kate Spade purse.

Dad: "Why did you take that Kate girl's purse? It even has her name on it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluesie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErikDied
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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