Nothing says "Christmas" like cheesy puns. (Sorry for triggering the PTSD of any retail workers)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lams1d
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
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I can't watch football anymore, it's too triggering

Every play has an offensive line

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/knight_rider_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
After much work with my therapist, I learned what topics were triggering my bulimia

So now I won't be bringing that up any more

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I have a step ladder at home...

... I never knew my real ladder.

πŸ‘︎ 701
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dream_digital
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I spotted an albino Dalmatian

It was the least I could do for him

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend gets triggered when I get up and chase the birds away from our backyard every morning.

She says it’s my crow aggression.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.

Because sin90 = cot45

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m so Triggered rn
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaPlex201
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Bullets are quite weird...

They only do their jobs after they are fired

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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!!!Trigger Warning!!!
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaredCash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The wife seemed way too eager to pull the trigger on that divorce...
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoneyChadger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What triggers a Spanish man's Fight or Flight response?

His-Panic.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NIRU1497
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do guns only work when they are fired.

Please help. I am tired but I can't fall asleep. I need the ultimate answer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrickyBullfrog2
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Bomb Pun megathread!

Post all bomb puns here, whether they be good or bad.

Edit: Wow. This blew up.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heraldoftheplague
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Made this a while back. Nothing too spectacular, just a trigger warning.

https://preview.redd.it/m3liaqm82wd21.png?width=1943&format=png&auto=webp&s=73addd8f55b7761903fe25477b2de256c26b606a

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akikikio
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
For deer hunting do you use your right hand or left hand to pull the trigger?

Either or, I'm bambidextrous.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thevectorvictor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the skeleton pull the trigger?

Because he didn't have the guts.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leafyshot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to the NRA and told them the 2nd amendment is worthless.

They were triggered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does everybody know about the coronavirus?

Because it went viral.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Gonna start a website called Onlydads

Where it’s just gonna be a bunch of dads clicking tongues and pulling power tool triggers

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eastern-Medium
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly started a boat building business in my garage.. Sails have gone through the roof.

In an unsettling reversal of my teenage years I am now shouting at my parents for leaving the house. I suggested they take up scrabble to keep them occupied.. Turned out to be a bad idea from the word go.

It's been great hearing about how world pollution levels have been failling. I read the story about fish now being visible in the canals in Venice.. I hope that story isnt a load of pollocks! Cod, these were eely bad. Will stop carping on now!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Why was the double barreled shotgun unable to speak when it was upset?

It was two triggered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy came up to me and said, β€œMan your clothes are so gay”

I said, β€œI know, they came out of the closet this morning”

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neon_exorcism
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Clinton hiding in the Bushes
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/micah397
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
🚨︎ report
When you mess up on the first go but you have a good recovery
πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/irbinator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to be a man trapped in a woman's body

Then I was born.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘¨πŸ”«
πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berserkkiller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œ007-Eleven”
πŸ‘︎ 241
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liberaltariat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn’t you ever fight a dinosaur?

Because you’ll get Jurass kicked..

πŸ‘︎ 393
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweatybooty1983
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Both my son and my daughter love reddit.

That must mean it's heredditary.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyluigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
🚨︎ report
I don’t like to use the word β€œgun”

People get triggered

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emastergamer01
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a turtle missing one leg?

Turtle leanie

πŸ‘︎ 620
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Why are angry rabbits such effective marksman?

Because they are cross hares.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iluaanalaa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
You can't fault kid logic

I asked my nephew how old his dad was and he replied "six". I said how can he only be six if you're six?

He said "because he's only been a dad since I was born"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my wife with this gem...

http://imgur.com/OdIv0uU

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
🚨︎ report
My new boss told me that he expects me to be on call 24/7...

but I don't really mind as the 24th of July is ages away

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomt94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2015
🚨︎ report
For you Parks & Rec fans
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Zammer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I have anxiety everytime I use a gun.

I'm easily triggered.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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