Back in the nineties, the band Sparks had a Vietnamese booker who wanted them to play a Sinatra tribute show

and when Russell Mael heard of it he asked

"So, Nguyen, do I get to sing My Way?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onechordbassist
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I hope this *sparked* some joy
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaybeDuck
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
Any engineers here? My trans sister is one.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mak_101
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
Iron man is getting married

His welding is tomorrow and it’s with a fe-male. Apparently he was steel a bachelor and Tonys Spark led to an impromptu proposal and welding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
My father always laughed at me when I got shocked playing with electricity

He’d laugh and say, β€œSon, you’re grounded.”

πŸ‘︎ 244
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I googled how to start a wildfire...

It came up with a couple thousand matches.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brooke3262
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad works for a welding supplier, so heres his welding dad joke

A guy was cutting with an acetylene torch when suddenly there is a break in the line. The acetelyne starts shooting up his arm and a stray spark ignites it. His arm bursts into flame. He starts running around the shop waving his arm around while it's on fire until someone hits him with the fire extinguisher.

After the fire is out and the EMT's arrive, the police are there taking statements from the witnesses. When the officer finishes this, he pulls out his handcuffs, goes over to the burned guy on the ground, pushes the EMT out of the way, and arrests the burned guy.

When he brings the guy to the station, the chief asks him why he arrested this guy when he clearly needs medical attention. The officer responded by saying "He was waving a firearm in public"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Better_Devil
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
My dad got sent to the hospital by a firework

I’m trying to spark a joke about it, but it’s not helping

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have problems understanding each other and always get wires crossed.

But I love it when the sparks fly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyrofighter258
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
I heard a story once about a train driver.

He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.

But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.

Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homelesspancake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What is your favourite dad joke you’ve ever seen or told?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Braecyn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was shocked by this
πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I met an arsonist at a bar and we instantly fell in love.

Guess you could say there was a spark between us.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ransley_17
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If protons and neutrons had sexual life, what would their most common saying be?

Spark me daddy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kajinator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marissakalyn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.

After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.

The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train wit

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DCCXXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody tried explaining to me how electricity is measured

I was like… Watt?

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jebnasty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new sweater that kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back and exchanged it for anotherβ€”free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 356
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I once fell in love with a bad electrician

Yeah when we locked eyes Sparks flew

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCrusher309
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the shopkeeper how much empty rechargeable batteries cost.

They were free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoffKalast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
4yo asks: What if I really was an ant?

During dinner, I compared how Son #2 [4yo] was eating his spaghetti to an anteater. This sparked the following conversation.

Son #2: "What if I really was an ant?"

Son #1 [7yo]: "Then you wouldn't really eat very much spaghetti. Ants eat just a little because they're so small."

Me: "Well, did you know it's pretty likely that, eventually, your sister will grow up to be an aunt?"

Daughter [5yo]: "What?"

Me: "Yeah, all it'll take is for one of you boys to have a kid. Then, she'll turn into an aunt."

[Kids look confused. Son #1 has worked out the pun, is rolling eyes.]

Wife: "He's right. We helped do it to Auntie Leah."

[It clicks.]

Daughter: "Oooooh, Daaad."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Money puns

I need a money pun for a title of a speech I’m giving about the history of money. I knew you guys would spark my creativity.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rfbaylon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My night's gonna be lit.
πŸ‘︎ 336
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
🚨︎ report
Just read some books...

The night in Lisbon, Three Comrades, Spark of Life, All Quiet on the Western Front... They are all... Remarqable novels.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arm3tt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A new relationship is like a old car

If there’s no spark, you’re not going anywhere

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suckmy_bong
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my little sister. Can you help me with a crossword puzzle?

Reading a newspaper, casually turn to my little sister and ask "can you help me with a crossword puzzle? The clue is Postman's bag"

Her: "how many letters?"

Me: "LOADS OF THEM!"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trilson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Help me remember the pun I had. For a RPG game I was planning an encounter with a walking brothel/whore house (like howl's moving castle)and the whorehouse had a really punny name.

I can only think of "The bone wanderer", but what I had was better than that and I cant remember it. please make suggestions, and maybe it'll be close enough to spark my memory

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camerawn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend right before bed last night

We're getting ready for bed, and I let one rip. The gf tells me to light a match to get rid of the smell.

As I'm going to light it, I turn to her: "So I guess you could say there's quite the... <strikes match>....SPARK in the bedroom tonight?"

Groan-filled laughter ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sigepcane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
🚨︎ report
I think machines love me

Everytime I mess with one sparks seem to fly

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IRBaboooon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I like the company "Razor"

They provide the cutting edge technology

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Piggy_The_Sensei
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm in dire need of some eel puns

I'm playing an eel in an upcoming musical, and I want to impress my castmates with some electrifying eel puns.

Examples: β€’"I just don't feel that spark between us anymore" β€’"When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a Moray" β€’"It's quite shocking, I know"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greensylph
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Too much Dadjoke reading has gotten me to this point...

My FiancΓ© was heading to bed while I was wrapping up some work. As she leans in to kiss me good night a static shock jumped from her lips to mine.

Without missing a beat I say, "I always knew there was a spark between us."

I blame all of you for making me think this way.

πŸ‘︎ 515
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superswan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2014
🚨︎ report
My kids say I’m hopeless at fixing appliances...

Well, they're in for a shock...

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
🚨︎ report
My Zippo

Sparks interest and ignites conversation. Tho it isn't heated discussion, its still a hot topic.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mooneri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2016
🚨︎ report
A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas

A woman was at a gas station filling her car with gas. She inserted the nozzle and began filling the car with gas. As she waited for the car to fill, she lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The car clicked to indicate it was full of gas, and she pulled the filler out of the car. Some gas leaked out of the filler onto her sweater arm, and a spark from the cigarette lit her arm on fire. The woman began to scream for help, and waved her arm about trying to put the fire out. A highway patrolman who happened to be nearby ran over and saw the woman flailing about in pain. Without hesitation, he pulled his handgun out of the holster and shot her three times. A few weeks later in court, the judge asked the patrolman why on earth he shot that woman? The patrolman answers, "well your honor, she was waving around a firearm!"

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dontdothisman66
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Steak puns

A rare medium done well.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xx_das_shame_xx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my Dad (In Spanish)

My dad asked me to look for some chips so I went to look for them...

Me: Donde estan? - Where are they?

Dad: En la alacena. - In the cupboard.

I got the chips and when I got back to my dad a spark of creativity came to me...

Me: No las podia encontrar, es que estaba buscando en el almuerzo y no en la cena.

-I couldn't find them, seems I was looking in lunch and not in dinner.

My dad smiled and ate his chips.

for reference, alacena = cupboard, cena = dinner

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Link_Guistics
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
🚨︎ report
I saw an old lady catch on fire today while pumping gas...

When she removed the nozzle from the vehicle I guess some static electricity created a spark and started a fire near her gas cap. She tried to put it out, but her sleeve caught on fire. She started running around the store parking lot with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waiving a firearm in public.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/20yrstoomany
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I challenged, I failed. Dad triumphs.

My friend asked this on her wall on facebook.

Anyone else suffering from electricity shortage?

Dad: Nope. That would be shocking! Or revolting.

Me: Ohmm...These puns are so ampty..needs to be more electrifying

Dad: OP, Watt??

Dad: The puns are the current thing.

Me: I hope nobody breaks the circuit of these puns.

Dad: Wire you worried about that? They'll just socket to ya!

Me: This is such a Polarity moment. Say Cheese, Brofs SPARK

Dad: Don't be negative. Try alternating. It's not terminal.

Me: You have bested me, You win. #dadjokes too good

The Dad is strong, too strong.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kurizmax
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad talking about fruits and vegetables

So my dad and I were in the kitchen preparing supper. We were cutting up some fruits and vegetables, when I see a little spark go of in his eye, like he just thought of the best thing ever. He turned to me and said: Dad: do you know what turns a fruit into a vegetable? Me: no? What? Dad: AIDS

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ISmokeBubbleHash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked the Mrs.

Gave her a kiss and our lips got zapped from static. "I guess there's still sparks between us"

Que groan....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimpak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Got up to give a kiss to my gf

After I sat down on a comfy couch in the common room at college, and because of the material and weather, I was charged with static. So naturally when our lips got close, a huge bolt of static jumped between us. Laughter ensues and she says, "there's some sparks between us!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalxForm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Fireman told me this one

Really close family friend of ours told us this one that allegedly happened while he was on duty. I'm going to tell it from his perspective, as it reads the 'funniest'.

So I'm on duty and we have to go and put out a simple brush fire off to the side of a busy intersection. Since it's the dry season of Southern California literally the smallest spark can cause a giant fire you know, so we're trying to put it out pretty fast. So we arrive there and we notice that an ambulance is speeding down the road to this one pretty sharp bend, and you know, they're making haste since they're on a code 3. A code 3 is where both the siren and the lights are on at the same time and they obviously have something that they need to do. Anyways, they're speeding around this corner and one of the backdoors gets flung open and a cooler flies out and lands at the curb. By this point we've handled the fire and we're just assessing the damage, like where it's spread, stuff like that, so I go and retrieve the

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XIGRAHAMIX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2014
🚨︎ report
My dads favorite joke...

Did you know Reno [Nevada] is so close to hell you can see Sparks?

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obnoxiousdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2013
🚨︎ report
Another good dinnertime dad joke

As I was eating dinner with my dad, he goes to put some pasta in the microwave with few oregano leaves on the top. I saw this and asked, "Is that okay to microwave raw oregano? I hope it doesn't turn out like kale." (For the few of you who have tried microwaving kale like me, you'll know that it sparks, smokes, and eventually catches fire.)

My dad responded with, "Yeah I hope it doesn't turn out like the kale, because then it will be chard."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/right_in_two
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Huge list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What c

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeaconOnAChairMC
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Worth the read...

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time kil

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KT11616
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time ki

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Willionnaire
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
🚨︎ report

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