Transiting Puns

Another case of Carpool Tunnel Syndrome

I’m a trans later

He'll be transparent

I just needed an AC/DC adapter.

Mass transit.

Señor Rita

Usually with a phone, goofball!

Ghost Bussers.

He will be mist 🥺

An addadicktome

Their preferred pronouns are her/she.

Me: "Why?"

Daughter: "Because you would be trans-parent"

She got me good. I actually GOL (Groaned Out Loud)

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

Trans Fat

Do they semi-retire?

I'm writing an article about lithium-ion battery energy storage systems (ESS). The article talks highly of ESSs and the positive impact this technology will have in transitioning our energy grid to net neutral carbon emissions.

The last sentence of the article is currently "in short, the future for how we build cities is charged with potential."

Anyone have a better pun/punch line idea for this sentence?

Not sure if this is appropriate for this sub but if not, let me know if there's anywhere I can post this. Thanks a lot :)

Around 1910, a French chef did a series of reckless experiments with boiled egg whites and other items, thus accidentally creating a new condiment. He named it after his hometown, and so the new confection became known as mayonnaise.

One of the first fans of the new confection was Mexico’s ambassador to France, who wrote home about this marvelous new product, and so an enormous demand for mayonnaise developed across Mexico. But the demand could not be met; the chef refused to share the recipe with anyone, and the logistics of keeping the product cold while in transit from France to any part of Mexico proved very difficult.

An especially ambitious entrepreneur named Julio Gomez offered a solution: instead of sailing from France directly to Mexico, through the warm waters where the unrefrigerated mayonnaise would likely spoil, it could be shipped from France to the northern United States, a voyage that would be much colder and therefore preserve the mayonnaise much better. Once unloaded in New York, it would only need a few days to reach Mexico by train, and so Gomez arranged for special refrigerated rail cars to transport it.

The financial and logistical difficulties of this shipping method were daunting, but Gomez was more than equal to the task. He had hoped to begin the shipping in late 1911 to take advantage of the cold weather, but what with one thing and another he was forced to delay until the following spring.

But April in the North Atlantic is still cold enough, and so Gomez went ahead with his plan. He secured his supply of mayonnaise in Paris, and got it to Liverpool in record time. From there he managed to get it into the cargo of a passenger liner that was leaving for New York that very day, and arranged for the rail cars to meet the shipment in New York. Word of this development reached Mexico, where it was received with great joy and anticipation.

Much to Gomez’s misfortune, the ship in question was none other than the Titanic. The importation scheme was a total loss, and no further attempt to import mayonnaise to Mexico was made for decades after.

Due to the rushed and chaotic nature of Gomez’s operation, it took some weeks to confirm that his cargo of mayonnaise had been on the Titanic. Once the news was confirmed, Mexico’s hopes were crushed and there was a period of low-key national mourning.

The tragic loss of the Titanic shocked and saddened people all over the world. Mass funerals for the dead passengers were held in New York, L

An eX-Man

Hope I don't get banned but I approved the joke with my friends.

'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'

An Estro-Gin and Tonic

For a bit of context, in human anatomy the chin is referred to as “mental” which is why the area below the chin is considered “sub mental.”

So I am in Anatomy Lab which is being held on Zoom due to Covid, and this is our last lab session for the semester before we transition to Neuro Lab for the remainder of the semester.

So all of my anatomy professors are present and the professor asks “Are there any questions before we begin?”

me bursting at the seams with this joke I’ve been sitting on for 2 weeks

“Yes Professor I wanted to ask, is your chin okay?” “My…my chin?” “Yea, I was told that if you care about someone, you should check on their mental health, you know?” cue the professors all slowly getting the joke before they all start laughing out loud

I got a mix of groans from fellow classmates and praise from professors for being clever. My professor asked where my kid was, as this was a textbook dad joke.

I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as my professors did. It was a golden opportunity that I couldn’t pass up.

They’re all Mass transit.

He just wanted to be transparent

She just doesn’t have the balls anymore

In fact, he sucks at it.

Asking about my bank, my cousin says "Do you have Chase?"
I respond "No they didn't catch me".
My family looked at me confused as hell. Especially the younger ones. I say "You know...cause it's Chase". No laughter. Just sad times ahead.

An addadictomy

No. It's transit.

If you want to be a dad, replace 'public' with 'pubic' in any verbal conversation.

• I'll just call him on a pubic telephone.
• I'm going to ride pubic transport to work today.
• I have a fear of pubic speaking.

A length of freeway walked into a bar, and yelled out "I'm the meanest bit of road west of the Pesos, nobody wanna mess with me!"

Then some duplicated overpass walked into the bar. "Anybody think they're tough enough to take on this piece of transit infrastructure? Well, are ya?"

Finally a stretch of dual carriageway walked into the bar. "This bad boy is badder than all you weaklings, whaddya gonna do about it!"

As they were all glaring at each other in a Mexican standoff, some bicycle laneway walked into the bar, threw a chair out of the way and kicked over a table. "I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, baddest piece of asphalt there is! You're all soft snowflakes! Ain't anyone who has the guts to take me on!"

The first three roadways all immediately turned to the bar and started meekly sipping their drinks, trying to look inconspicuous. The bartender asked them "What's the matter, are you going to let him get away with that? Why don't you stand up to him?"

"We aren't going to mess with him", they replied, "He's a real cycle path".

The other day, we were getting my 3 year old daughter out of the bath. You know how cold that transition is.

D = daughter M = me

D: "Daddy, me owl."

M: confused face "What?"

D: shivering "whoooooo, hoooooo"

Her first pun!!!

...my mind raced with punchlines of the “about this far” variety. I tried a few on for size.

Then I realized he was looking distraught and realized I was potentially stomping on his blooming dad-joke career. So I stopped and said: “I don’t know son, how far?”

He still looked confused, and then I realized that he for real thought a “stud” was a measure of distance and this was a legit question. So I had to transition into google searching images of wall framing and what studs are. What a roller coaster of dad emotions.

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean