I applied to ninja training school...

I haven't heard anything yet.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The police dog training school was broken into last night...

...they have no leads.

👍︎ 23
💬︎
👤︎ u/NZOC
📅︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My son trained really hard for his school's field day.

But it got canceled due to rain, so he only got a precipitation trophy.

👍︎ 20
💬︎
👤︎ u/Jazst
📅︎ May 18 2022
🚨︎ report
Do you have to go to school to drive a train? or do they just TRAIN you on the job?
👍︎ 17
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I was almost run over by a train as I was walking to school today

It was very freightening

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to graduate from train conductor school?

By making sure you stay on track...

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/rbasham08
📅︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 24
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A dadjoke that made my whole family go "ungghh"

About two weeks ago, my family was heading home from dinner and we came to a train track. We crossed it and my dad goes "That was close, a train just passed through here." None of us could see one so I asked how he knew. He got a big grin on his face and said "It left its tracks!"

I actually enjoyed it.

👍︎ 73
💬︎
📅︎ May 20 2014
🚨︎ report
A beautiful tradition

Martial arts is as much spiritual training as it is physical training. In fact, there is a school of martial arts in Korea where practitioners would spend large portions of the day just meditating.

As they train their spirits to ponder over their place in the universe, the practitioners would also train their bodies to forgo the needs of the physical world. The practitioners would endure days on end without sleep, and live on a single loaf of bread for an entire month.

As they meditate, they would repeat the mantra: “I am one with the universe, it sleeps not so I shall not sleep. This bread is my only worldly attachment but I shall only TAKE ONE DOUGH”

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Ice-Cream Puns

What happens after you eat an entire gallon of “All Natural” ice cream? You get Breyer’s remorse!


How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.


How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats!


What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a’la mode.


What does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.


Why don’t they make ice cream from breast milk? It’s an udderly bad idea!


Where is the best place to get an ice cream? IN A SUNDAY SCHOOL.


What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What’s the scoop


Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.


Your evil stepdad isn’t “presidential” just because he got you ice cream and told you things would change after

beating the shit out of you.


In 1973 my dad left to get ice cream and never came back. Mom says he’s probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions.


If my house catches fire after I’ve sat down with a bowl of ice cream, I’m going down like the goddamn captain of a ship.


I try not to judge people based on first impressions but if I see you put gummy bears on your ice cream stay away from me and my family.


Guy on my train: a crowded Amtrak on a freezing day is the right time and place for me to enjoy a big ass ice cream cone


What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream


What happens after you eat an entire gallon of “All Natural” ice cream? You get Breyer’s remorse!


How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.


How do astronauts eat their ice creams? In floats!


What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a’la mode.


The new Baywatch Official Trailer reminds me that bathing suit season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the ice cream truck.


You can buy eel-flavored ice cream in Japan.I guess if you are out of chocolate and vanilla.


Being in a long term relationship and seeing your partner naked is like driving a hearse that plays ice cream truck music. Mixed emotions


I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.


MC Hammer eats a lot of ice cream every day because as a kid his parents told him, “U Can’t Touch This”


On May 2nd a drunk driver almost ended my life.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/Punsville
📅︎ May 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Some kids start training to become Olympians at age 5…

I'm still training my kids to come home from school with more than one shoe…

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad got me good today.

We were driving to school today and we were talking about PE.

"Your not in PE, are you?" he said. "I'm in weight training." "Well how long do you have to wait before you start training?"

This was followed by a groan.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➡

👍︎ 92
💬︎
👤︎ u/Josvys
📅︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.