That meant the steaks were just too high for me.
It's a real game changer...
I work for a brewery and we just made a rasberry blonde ale. We try to come up with punny names for each but I can't get one that sticks. Please help!!
If we get one good enough you could see the beer you named at you're local bar or market!
Edit: Talked to the work crew tonight. The top ones from this post were, blonde, James blonde, Razzy nights, redhead redemption, rasbeery, and All that Razz. There were tons of great ones, the names I mentioned seemed to get the most attention. If you guys wanna see what wins or help vote for the winner follow UNPLUGGED brewery on facebook, there should be a poll soon.
Thank you all for the help!!
Update!! The winner of the name poll is: ALL THAT RAZZ. Keep an eye out at your local stores or bars
Me: *Places the last two bananas on top of the grocery list then shuffles out of the kitchen giggling uncontrollably*
It was stuck in a crack.
That would be wheystful.
Because it was on Cruise control.
My dad, who's in his 50's, bought a new Tesla Model S and was out for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to let her rip!
As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red & blue lights behind him. "There's no freakin' way they can catch a Tesla," he thought to himself. So he let her rip further. The needle hit 100, 120… then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, examined it, then said:
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
My dad thinks for a second then says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer
My blood pressure, weight, cholesterol and lipid levels were all so high doctor told me I'm above 99% of the population in all these metrics.
He just wigged out.
I was in the library reading the morning paper when a chicken walked in. It strutted up to the librarian's desk, and jumped right up on top.
"Bawk" it said.
The librarian said, "You would like a book. Ok. Wait here. " Moments later the librarian brings a book to the chicken, and the chicken leaves.
A week later, I was in the library reading the morning paper when the same chicken comes in, walks up to the librarian's desk and jumps up. "Bawk, bawk" says the chicken.
The librarian says, "You would like two books". She returns with two books, and the chicken leaves with the books tucked under her wing.
A week after that, I was sitting in the library reading the morning paper. In walks the chicken and struts right up, and then jumps on top of the librarian's desk. "Bawk bawk BAAAWWWk!" it screams.
Without batting an eye, the librarian says, "I see. You would like three books. Two short ones and a long one. I'll be right back".
I had just finished reading the morning paper, so I decided to follow this chicken. Out the door it went, across the street, to get to the other side of course, down the alley, past the shell station, across the play ground to the other slide, into the forest, and then to a pond. The chicken sees a frog and walks over to it.
The frog takes the three books. Looks at them for a moment, and then shakes his head. "Reddit, reddit, reddit" he says.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a printout. The vet took the paper, handed it to the woman and said' "Here, the bill is $1500."
"$1500!" the woman exclaimed. "How much for the rest of the duck?"
I said, "pretty good, but you really should hear me do Bohemian Rhapsody".
I’ve got a lot on.
The monk told him but sir, you have no arms, how will you ring the bell?
The man said, " just lead me to the bell and I'll show you."
So they walked up the long stairwell that led to the top of the belfry. Once at the top, the man walked over to the bell to get a good look at it. He then proceeded back up against the furthest wall and leapt into a sprint, face first into the bell.
He plummeted 65 feet below to his death. Tragically, no sound came from the bell.
When the police arrived an hour later, they asked the monk if he knew the man.
The monk simply said, "No. His face doesn't ring a bell either."
But wait, there's more...
The next day another man with no arms showed up at the monastery and told the monk "Yesterday the man who died here was my brother. This was his lifelong dream. If it's ok with you, I'd like to try just once for him."
The monk certainly couldn't refuse and slowly led the man up the long stairwell.
Once at the top the man walked over to the bell. He kissed the spot where his brother's face hit the bell just a day before and walked back to the edge of the furthest wall.
The priest watched in horror as once again a man hurled himself face first towards the bell, but at the last minute the man tucked his chin, stopped at the last moment and slammed his head into the side of the bell.
The bell rang with the loudest clang the countryside had heard in years. In fact, it was so loud the man cried out in agonizing pain, lost his balance and fell to his death below.
Once again the police showed up, and once again asked the monk if he knew the man's name to which the monk replied, "no, but he's a dead ringer for his brother."
I'll show myself out.
Good night
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
A snooker table!
One of my friends kids told me “I have a fetish for lunch”.
Me: very confused said “a what?”
Him: a fetish Me: asks who told him that Him: my mom packed it. Pulls out a salad with sliced radish on top.
It was a radish
Police have described the fugitives as being 'on the bun'.
They're great roll models
"No, but your hat's on crooked."
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
It must have been groundbreaking news
You gotta give him props for that
The doctor says, "that looks nasty" the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"
...and she ran 100m in 10 seconds
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
Wild Bill Hickock
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
It was all Hans on deck!
Sherlock and Watson were slowly making their way across the foggy moonlit moors, searching for what they think will be someone recently killed. Watson yells, " Sherlock, come here! I see a body!" As Sherlock approached, it was a gruesome scene...the man's shirt was ripped off, a knife cut from his sternum all the way to his belt line...and his guts pulled out and piled on top of him. Watson speaks, "I've never seen such a thing...what do you make of it?" Sherlock took a few puffs from his pipe and said.....
" Why, it's alimentary, my dear Watson."
They had prepared quite the spread with steak, corn, salad, and everyone had their own favorite side. The father had prepared his own signature spice blend and was encouraging everyone to try it. The son tried a little bit on his mac and cheese. Unfortunately he began coughing as it was too spicy, but was able to rinse it down with a bit of water and was fine.
The daughter didn't believe it could be as spicy as her brother claimed, so she put some of the spice blend on her mashed potatoes. She took a big bite and after a bit her face turned red and she began coughing and spluttering and went and got herself a glass of milk in order to help with the spiciness.
The mother laughed, knowing that the blend was spicy, but decided to try some anyway on her fries. She was conservative with her application, and could handle her spice better than her children so she thought she would be fine. And, if it weren't for a small bit of fry trying to go down the wrong pipe, causing her to cough, splutter and wheeze, she would have made it out unscathed.
Finally the father, after having witnessed that none of his family were able to master his own homemade spice blend, added it to every bit of his meal. The steak, the corn, his green beans and even his salad. He the requested some of each of the others' sides, and added the spices to some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and fries as well. Then, to show he was not joking around, he added some hot sauce to top it all off. He began happily chowing down on every bit of it, completely unconcerned with the level of spice. He did not turn red, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze.
However, in his gusto to complete the meal, he was eating faster than he normal would and a half-chewed piece of steak unfortunately made it down the wrong pipe. His eyes went wide. Still, he did not cough, he did not splutter, he did not wheeze. But, he did begin to turn red. And then, he began to turn blue. Seeing that her husband was choking, the mother got up from the table and started trying to give the heimlich to the father. It didn't seem to be working until suddenly -- p-tooo, out came the piece of steak. Then the father coughed, spluttered and wheezed.
As he tried to regain his breath, his family heard that he was trying to say something between coughing fits. A 'thank you' to his wife, most likely. Or perhaps he was trying to say he should have slowed down and not eaten so fast to show them up. When he finally got
... keep reading on reddit ➡I can't believe the heights some people would go to just to earn some money.
A queue cumber.
I told him it was a get Ritz quick scheme...
Ricepuddin
I’ve got a lot on.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."
A pool table.
