I can’t wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.

I’ll hand them to her and say β€œHere’s the fruits of your labor.”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaggyoda
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Daddy, look! Those turtles are playing piggyback! Son, I was going to wait till you were older for this talk but...

Those are tortoises , not turtles.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn't tie the knot till I was 38

I am hopeless with shoelaces.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
U wait till u see mine !
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Satwik_Pandey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Barcelona players not gonna eat anything till morning

Because they 8-2 much

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xdrjpt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Till death do us rock
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Fake it till you make it
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SubfurSir
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s this notorious serial killer that will argue with you till you die.

Patrick Debateman.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
We gave my Dad a birthday card that said he could party till the cows come home.

He said he utter-ly loved it!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fan2vt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...

Most crashes happen at ground level.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
🎢 Wheen it rips out your eye, and you bleed β€˜till you die
  • that’s a Moray !
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinBirk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The problem with Michael Jackson puns is

You don't stop till you get enough

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/another_nonymous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m making a movie called constipation

I can’t wait till it comes out

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
From Dusk till Don Knotts [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessLeianardo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!

I One

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad will be telling Dad Jokes till the end...

Quick backstory, my Dad was rushed to the hospital last night with an acute pericardial effusion. Of course, we didn't know the cause at the time, so when the Doc came into my Dads room in the ER to tell him what's going on and what they were going to do, emergency surgery, this is how the conversation went...

Doc: Mr FloatyMcBoatFace's Dad, You have fluid building up around your heart, an Acute Pericardial Effusion, and we have to go to surgery right away to get that fluid out of there.

My Dad: Well, good thing it isn't an Obtuse Pericardial Effusion...

The entire family groaned. The Dr and Nurse couldn't help but laugh after a few seconds of what I assume was shock.

Anyway, he seems to be doing fine, he's still in the hospital under observation though.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FloatyMcBoatface
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Handbrake kind of belongs here. Watch till the end.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Accomplished_Owl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Great news for insomniacs....

.....only 2 more sleeps till Xmas.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m postponing my vision check-up till next year. (I’m told it will be 2020 by then)
πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vsshankar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Today is the start of diarrhoea awareness week....

It will run till Friday.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
According to my chocolate advent calender....

There is only 3 days till Xmas.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was driving down the street with my family till I saw a sign outside a pizza parlor that said "Wood Fired Pizza"

How's Pizza gonna get a job now?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhino2115
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I had terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 528
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
One sperm asks the other "How long till we get to the ovaries?"

The other sperm replies "A while, we've only just passed the tonsils"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"

I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Joe sure is patient when it comes to waiting for the results of the election

All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CalmingVisionary
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was floundering along till he met his amputee girlfriend.

She single-handedly changed his life.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in the oven till its Bill Withers

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dunkulture1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, β€œCan’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, β€œWhat kinda flower”

No hesitation I say, β€œTulips”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vHRenegade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If you think my puns are bad, wait till you CDs
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anormalasado
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
If you buy Disney stock, and wait till they start competing with Netflix in November, you won't want to go to Disneyland or Disney World.

The stock itself will give you enough of a roller coaster ride.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aiaor
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a good mood, till I started petting a duckling at a park.

Then I started feeling a little down.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend made me proud with this one. We were in a store called poundland, and I dropped some change at the till...

She asked "Where did your pound land?"

πŸ‘︎ 404
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/henburst
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
🚨︎ report
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chriskj2006
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Now where do I go from here?
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Troyer112
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
dadjoked my mom, didn't realize what i said till she started laughing

me: why have we been eating casserole so much recently?

mom: because it's winter! and winter is casserole weather!

me: I thought it was chili weather...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rustedcrown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
🚨︎ report
Just found out that men do not need prostate exams till they reach their mid forties.

My doctor has a lot of explaining to do.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I really want to buy one those supermarket checkout dividers.

But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just said, β€œIt’s over”, and started walking out on me β€”-I just sat there.

I really enjoy watching the end credits.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Shakespeare

Two friends walk into a bookstore After bying 23 pens 2 balloons and a pipeline One of them goes to the till Suddenly he remembers

  • John do you want a pencil?
  • Yes
  • 2B or not 2B?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bscilion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A joke my dad told me when I was little that I didn't get till I was grown for fathers day. How do you catch a polar bear

Cut a hole in the ice and surround it with peas. When the polar bear walks up to take a pee kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArdelLedbetter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
According to my chocolate advent calendar...

....there's only 3 days left till Xmas

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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