If Kanye becomes president, how long till we’re celebrating Yeezster instead?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Might-Aromatic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 03 2021
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Apparently, schools will now run from September right through till July with no holidays....

It's a long term solution.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2021
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My boss asked me if I could manage the tills.

So I told them to serve the queue and walked off.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 19 2021
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I can’t wait till my Wife and I have a our first baby.

I’ll hand them to her and say β€œHere’s the fruits of your labor.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shaggyoda
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2021
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I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 64
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2020
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Daddy, look! Those turtles are playing piggyback! Son, I was going to wait till you were older for this talk but...

Those are tortoises , not turtles.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/modular-emergence
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
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I didn't tie the knot till I was 38

I am hopeless with shoelaces.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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U wait till u see mine !
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Satwik_Pandey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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Barcelona players not gonna eat anything till morning

Because they 8-2 much

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xdrjpt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 14 2020
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Till death do us rock
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tarlungs1104666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2020
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Fake it till you make it
πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SubfurSir
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
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There’s this notorious serial killer that will argue with you till you die.

Patrick Debateman.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2020
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We gave my Dad a birthday card that said he could party till the cows come home.

He said he utter-ly loved it!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fan2vt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
🚨︎ report
🎢 Wheen it rips out your eye, and you bleed β€˜till you die
  • that’s a Moray !
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MartinBirk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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From Dusk till Don Knotts [OC]
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PrincessLeianardo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2019
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My Dad will be telling Dad Jokes till the end...

Quick backstory, my Dad was rushed to the hospital last night with an acute pericardial effusion. Of course, we didn't know the cause at the time, so when the Doc came into my Dads room in the ER to tell him what's going on and what they were going to do, emergency surgery, this is how the conversation went...

Doc: Mr FloatyMcBoatFace's Dad, You have fluid building up around your heart, an Acute Pericardial Effusion, and we have to go to surgery right away to get that fluid out of there.

My Dad: Well, good thing it isn't an Obtuse Pericardial Effusion...

The entire family groaned. The Dr and Nurse couldn't help but laugh after a few seconds of what I assume was shock.

Anyway, he seems to be doing fine, he's still in the hospital under observation though.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 84
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FloatyMcBoatface
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2019
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Man, wait till you hear what my finishing move was at the Battleship competition!

I One

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xevetv
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 06 2020
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Handbrake kind of belongs here. Watch till the end.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Accomplished_Owl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2019
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I’m postponing my vision check-up till next year. (I’m told it will be 2020 by then)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 72
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vsshankar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2019
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I had terrible internet connection on my farm till I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 528
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 18 2018
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I was driving down the street with my family till I saw a sign outside a pizza parlor that said "Wood Fired Pizza"

How's Pizza gonna get a job now?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rhino2115
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2019
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My friend was floundering along till he met his amputee girlfriend.

She single-handedly changed his life.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
One sperm asks the other "How long till we get to the ovaries?"

The other sperm replies "A while, we've only just passed the tonsils"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B-man44
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2019
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If you think my puns are bad, wait till you CDs
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/anormalasado
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend made me proud with this one. We were in a store called poundland, and I dropped some change at the till...

She asked "Where did your pound land?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 402
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/henburst
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2017
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While my wife and I were dating in high school we were at this church lock in. I said, β€œCan’t wait till we get outta here and I can plant one on ya” she said, β€œWhat kinda flower”

No hesitation I say, β€œTulips”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vHRenegade
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2019
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I was in a good mood, till I started petting a duckling at a park.

Then I started feeling a little down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If you buy Disney stock, and wait till they start competing with Netflix in November, you won't want to go to Disneyland or Disney World.

The stock itself will give you enough of a roller coaster ride.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aiaor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chriskj2006
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
dadjoked my mom, didn't realize what i said till she started laughing

me: why have we been eating casserole so much recently?

mom: because it's winter! and winter is casserole weather!

me: I thought it was chili weather...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rustedcrown
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2014
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Just found out that men do not need prostate exams till they reach their mid forties.

My doctor has a lot of explaining to do.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
If a farmer tills a field so he can plant pear trees, is he "pre-pearing"?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rakketytam2000
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2017
🚨︎ report
A joke my dad told me when I was little that I didn't get till I was grown for fathers day. How do you catch a polar bear

Cut a hole in the ice and surround it with peas. When the polar bear walks up to take a pee kick him in the ice hole.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ArdelLedbetter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2018
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McDonald's till employee vs dad.

Just got home from a trip to McDonalds with my dad. The till worker's name tag was ivonna.

My dad catches on quickly with a big grin oh his face.

"Ivonna bacon swiss melt". ..........

Really?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Imsquishie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 31 2014
🚨︎ report
Laughing till the end
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Barbarus623
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2013
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(X-post /r/funny) Dad jokes till the end.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bluefootedpig
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Came up on my youtube list today... wait till the end... http://youtu.be/Vuw_Lxal_v4

http://youtu.be/Vuw_Lxal_v4

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lunchbox2208
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2014
🚨︎ report

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