When Captain Hook was running away from the ticking alligator..
It must have been very time consuming!
What did the German commander say to the ticking clock?
Ve haf vays and means of making you tock.
Stove was ticking...
Me: What is that DAMN ticking noise?!?
Dad: Ha ha... that ticking you off? HAHAHAHA
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying "tick tick tick"?
Do these clock hands tick? 🤔
What did the tick say to the clock?
What are you tocking about?
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
I really hope this whole COVID-19 thing gets cleared up before tick season
Because then we’d have corona with Lyme
I'm so happy its tick season soon...
I enjoy a little Lyme with my Corona
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
I fell in love with the tick that bit me when I was on a trip to Rome
It was a Romantic gesture
I was going to take a hike in the woods today but realized tick season is starting
and I like my Corona without Lyme.
My little brother keeps annoying me with this ant and ticks he found...
I am really getting tired of his ant ticks
I heard the ticks are really bad this year. If you go outside, be careful...
Unless you like your Corona with Lyme.
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
What do you call a bug that can do math
What do you call a tick on the moon?
What do you call an argument between two ticks?
My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...
When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather
"vee haf vays of making you tock!"
I made a belt out of watches...
Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
You know what rally ticks me off?
What’s a ticks favorite fruit?
Politics is the most accurate word in the English language
Poly = many.
Ticks = blood sucking parasites.
What do you call a tick that lives on the moon?
The problem with parasites is that they never shut up.
I can’t stand all the Tick Talk.
Have I not yet told you my summary about the history of clocks?
A scientist sits down with some colleagues at the lab cafeteria:
"Oh hi Bill! We were just discussing the promiscuous mating habits of blood-sucking arachnids." Bill abruptly grabs his tray and stands up to leave.
"Sorry guys. I don't discuss poly ticks at work."
Really ticked me off! Barging in like that uninvited. So gave it my best shot.
Why did the ticks lead a revolution?
because the had the blood of the proletariat inside them.
I asked my dog for a synonym of cinnamon.
The work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.
My girlfriends father, the king of the dad joke/pun, walks past a can of tick repellent..
Glances at his watch, taps it, keeps walking and says "Still ticking. What a scam"
On a daily/hourly basis he reels them off. It's amazing. He also photoshops pictures (using Microsoft Paint, because he likes the challenge) of himself into various ridiculous and punny situations that might be the most comically genius things I've ever seen. If you're interested I'll find some for you guys.
I really want to go looking for my lost watch.
I just haven't found the time.
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas.
Global chaos ensues.
The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
What did the tick say to the clock
what are you tocking about
Hopefully this whole Corona virus thing doesnt last until tick season.
If it does, we will have Corona with Lyme.
My annoying little brother asks me which bug grosses me out this ants or those ticks...
I replied I am really getting tired of your ant ticks.
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