tick tock
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ici_cle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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What did the tick say to the clock?

What are you tocking about?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rick--Diculous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Once a pun in time, there was a clock that tocked on and on about infinity

Actually it ticked me off on second thought, I better watch it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?

Time will tell.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2xj59ae
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Puns about clocks are the easiest

Now, if you have a lot of time on your hands, let me explain. These puns are a timely solution to anyone starting to dadjoke. With enough hours of practice, they become clockwork to deliver. Sometimes it's best to watch others perform the joke. I know, some of you may be ticked off with me (which isn't alarming) using my firsthand information on how to easily make a pun and how it has really wound you up. Yes, I'll hand it to you, making a simple pun is second-best to the more thought out grander puns with all the bells and whistles. Whatever makes you tick, I guess.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatDamnCat_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Why did the clock get kicked out of the library?

It tocked too much.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My grandfather was captured by the Germans in WWII. Being a high-ranking officer, they kept him captive for months but all he would do is sit in his cell saying "tick... tick... tick...". Their top interrogator was sent in to get important information out of him...

When in the interrogation room, he told my grandfather

"vee haf vays of making you tock!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
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What did the German commander say to the ticking clock?

Ve haf vays and means of making you tock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Harkonan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
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I went to the dentist and was so bored...

I decided to eat his wall clock to see if I could pass the time. It was rather time consuming. At first I was going to just eat the hours away, but I was still hungry afterwards so I went back for seconds. My doctor didn't notice at first, but when he used the stethoscope on me, he heard it - he was ticked off. He tocked to me and said that eating clocks is actually slightly dangerous, but the dangers are *minute.*Afterwards, I did more research on timekeeping devices and became clockwise. Sundial.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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I had a nervous tick once

But I sent him to therapy and he got all better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
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I got a tattoo of a clock on my foot while playing noughts and crosses.

Tick-Tock-Toe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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Grand dad joke.

My grandpa would always tell me this story about his uncles in WWII. "My uncle was actually captured by the Germans and kept in a pow camp. They would try to break the prisoners spirit by making them to mindless things. One in particular they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, 'tick tock tick tock.' My uncle was always a wise guy so he would rebel in the simplest way. He would only go, 'tick tick tick.' One day the guard finally caught him and said, 'don't vorry. Ve have vays of making you tock.'"

πŸ‘︎ 289
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfdancer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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Got my wife in bed a few minutes ago...

Wife: We should talk.
Me: tick

Wife: What?
Me: tick

Wife: ...
Me: tick

Wife: *rolls eyes* Tock.
Me: =D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindsight
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
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Tired clock

Did you hear about the clock that was tired of saying tick tock so it changed tac-tic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcizz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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My 5 year old got my wife and I Christmas morning.

Alarm clock is across the room from the bed

Son: Wake up it's time for presents.

Me still asleep: Son, what does the clock say?

Son: Tick tock tick tock...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spectre577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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My Dad's favorite joke...

A man in Switzerland is trying to get his grandfather clock fixed, and brings it into a clock shop.

The clock shop attendant asks the man "What seems to be the trouble?"

"Well, the clock tells time just fine. However, as you can hear, it ticks... But doesn't tock."

"Hmm, I think our Horologist will need to take a look at your clock. Please bring it into the back."

So the man wheels his clock into the back room, and there is an old, balding man, wearing a lab coat and thick horn rimmed glasses. He asks the man in a thick German accent "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, you see, this clock ticks, but it doesn't tock."

"I see," says the horologist. He turns on a single light bulb, and turns off the lights to the room, and pulls out some pliers from his labcoat, and says, in his thick German accent...

"We have ways of making you tock."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phaseMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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What did the tick say to the clock

what are you tocking about

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastBroFrenzyMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Why shouldn't you tell secrets near a clock?

Because time will tell....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XLeoInTheDarkX
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
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What did the German say when his clock broke?

"Ve have vays of making you tock."

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeballz123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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