tick tock
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ici_cle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook...

at a second hand store.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?

A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marv242
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?

Time will tell.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2xj59ae
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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I went to the dentist and was so bored...

I decided to eat his wall clock to see if I could pass the time. It was rather time consuming. At first I was going to just eat the hours away, but I was still hungry afterwards so I went back for seconds. My doctor didn't notice at first, but when he used the stethoscope on me, he heard it - he was ticked off. He tocked to me and said that eating clocks is actually slightly dangerous, but the dangers are *minute.*Afterwards, I did more research on timekeeping devices and became clockwise. Sundial.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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Grand dad joke.

My grandpa would always tell me this story about his uncles in WWII. "My uncle was actually captured by the Germans and kept in a pow camp. They would try to break the prisoners spirit by making them to mindless things. One in particular they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, 'tick tock tick tock.' My uncle was always a wise guy so he would rebel in the simplest way. He would only go, 'tick tick tick.' One day the guard finally caught him and said, 'don't vorry. Ve have vays of making you tock.'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfdancer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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I got a tattoo of a clock on my foot while playing noughts and crosses.

Tick-Tock-Toe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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Got my wife in bed a few minutes ago...

Wife: We should talk.
Me: tick

Wife: What?
Me: tick

Wife: ...
Me: tick

Wife: *rolls eyes* Tock.
Me: =D

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindsight
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
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Tired clock

Did you hear about the clock that was tired of saying tick tock so it changed tac-tic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Marcizz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2017
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My 5 year old got my wife and I Christmas morning.

Alarm clock is across the room from the bed

Son: Wake up it's time for presents.

Me still asleep: Son, what does the clock say?

Son: Tick tock tick tock...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spectre577
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2013
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My Dad's favorite joke...

A man in Switzerland is trying to get his grandfather clock fixed, and brings it into a clock shop.

The clock shop attendant asks the man "What seems to be the trouble?"

"Well, the clock tells time just fine. However, as you can hear, it ticks... But doesn't tock."

"Hmm, I think our Horologist will need to take a look at your clock. Please bring it into the back."

So the man wheels his clock into the back room, and there is an old, balding man, wearing a lab coat and thick horn rimmed glasses. He asks the man in a thick German accent "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, you see, this clock ticks, but it doesn't tock."

"I see," says the horologist. He turns on a single light bulb, and turns off the lights to the room, and pulls out some pliers from his labcoat, and says, in his thick German accent...

"We have ways of making you tock."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phaseMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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My wife got out of the shower and asked me to check her for ticks...

I then asked her if she knew the time and she said "Do I look like I have a watch on me?" to which I responded with "You're right, I just looked you over and I didn't see a tick or a tock."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/b1kerguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2016
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