I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
Sorry if this is a repost
The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”
A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.
[oc sorry] What do you call a Jedi with anxiety?
Sorry I've been so quiet here today. I've been keeping a close eye on the local news. Apparently there's a lad going around stabbing people with knitting needles.
Police say he may be following a pattern.
Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon
Sorry New York Jets, but you just can’t score touchdowns.
I stole this, sorry for the Roblox base
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
Prisoner: "I'm sorry I tried to escape. "
Guard: "I'm not mad. Just very disappointed. "
REMEMBER KIDS....NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN.
Mernards. Sorry if this is a repost
I’m sorry about posting another joke about Trump’s hair
Sorry if offensive
What do you call a German who can’t see
A notsee
Ok m sorry to let everyone at r/dadjokes down.
I haven’t been able to tell a single dad joke all year
I just thought of this today as I was driving... I’m sorry in advance 😂 I saw this sign the other day, and it had rounded edges
It was kinda pointless...
Dad: Sorry son I’m all out of dad jokes
Son: I thought your name was dad?
Dad: Well played.
I'm sorry, I couldn't get this out of my head
Sorry this is a day late, but I made a Christmas Puns advent calendar from QR codes and I wanted to share it with everyone.
pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_Ad…
Doctor: Here is your newborn baby but we are sorry that your wife didn’t make it
Me: Please bring me the one my wife made
Sorry guys , I just lost my Virg-
Sorry this isn’t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!
Nurse: Sorry for the waiting
My dad: No problem, I'm patient
Sorry for self promotion.
"Sorry I'm late" said the broom
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?
I’m sorry for such a miserable post
I feel sorry for girls in wheelchairs
Their boyfriends are always pushing them around and talking behind their backs.
I feel sorry for my math teacher.
He’s always looking for his x, and when he isn’t he’s asking y.
I just wanted to show people one of my favorite tweets by SMII7Y (If this is a repost I am sorry)
Sorry to ruin your day
What is the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
A weasel is weasely wecognized and a stoat is stoatilly different
I heard this i while back don’t remember where its from, sorry if it seems butchered(longish)
One day a loving husband and father of 2 sons comes home, one of the sons asks him to come upstairs, so he comes upstairs and his son says“dad, im gay” the father, surprised says “well, okay, i still support you son”.
The next day the father comes home to his other son asking him to come upstairs, he goes and the son also comes out as gay, the loving father says “both you and your brother, i wont have any kids, but, i still support you”........ ........ ........ ........ ........ ........
The father then walks down stairs to go and play with the family dog(male) and finds him in the backyard humping the neighbors(also male) dog. The father walks back into the house and exclaims
“Does anyone in this house like women”.
His wife taps him on the sholder
The doctor was taking a while so he said: Sorry for the wait
I respond: no problem I’m patient
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes
Sorry guys, this joke blows
I'm sorry, but I'm extremely proud of this one, and nobody in the chat found it funny =(
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
Prisoner: "I am sorry, I tried to escape."
Guard: "I'm not mad, just disappointed."
(Remember kids, never let your guard down)
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
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