I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
I stole this, sorry for the Roblox base
Sorry if offensive
What do you call a German who can’t see
A notsee
Mernards. Sorry if this is a repost
Sorry this is a day late, but I made a Christmas Puns advent calendar from QR codes and I wanted to share it with everyone.
pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_Ad…
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I had to remove your colon
I'm sorry, I couldn't get this out of my head
Doctor: Here is your newborn baby but we are sorry that your wife didn’t make it
Me: Please bring me the one my wife made
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
Prisoner: "I am sorry, I tried to escape."
Guard: "I'm not mad, just disappointed."
(Remember kids, never let your guard down)
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we don’t serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if he’s a rope!
Rope replies I’m a frayed knot.
"Sorry I'm late" said the broom
Sorry for self promotion.
Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?
Sorry guys , I just lost my Virg-
I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
Sorry this isn’t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!
Nurse: Sorry for the waiting
My dad: No problem, I'm patient
I feel sorry for girls in wheelchairs
Their boyfriends are always pushing them around and talking behind their backs.
Sorry to ruin your day
What is the difference between a weasel and a stoat?
A weasel is weasely wecognized and a stoat is stoatilly different
I’m sorry for such a miserable post
I feel sorry for my math teacher.
He’s always looking for his x, and when he isn’t he’s asking y.
I heard this i while back don’t remember where its from, sorry if it seems butchered(longish)
One day a loving husband and father of 2 sons comes home, one of the sons asks him to come upstairs, so he comes upstairs and his son says“dad, im gay” the father, surprised says “well, okay, i still support you son”.
The next day the father comes home to his other son asking him to come upstairs, he goes and the son also comes out as gay, the loving father says “both you and your brother, i wont have any kids, but, i still support you”........ ........ ........ ........ ........ ........
The father then walks down stairs to go and play with the family dog(male) and finds him in the backyard humping the neighbors(also male) dog. The father walks back into the house and exclaims
“Does anyone in this house like women”.
His wife taps him on the sholder
The doctor was taking a while so he said: Sorry for the wait
I respond: no problem I’m patient
I just wanted to show people one of my favorite tweets by SMII7Y (If this is a repost I am sorry)
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes
Son: I’m sorry for being so grumpy. I’m just hangry.
Dad: Here, have a happytizer.
Sorry guys, this joke blows
Sorry for this
Why did the Baker have brown hands?
He kneeded a poo
Prisoner - I am sorry. I tried to escape
Guard - I am not mad. I am just.....disappointed.
Moral - DONT LET YIUR GUARD DOWN
"Sorry sir, the library is closed."
"But I've booked a meeting."
My kid wanted to join the orchestra. I said "sorry, but you're way too young for that…"
"…it has a lot of sax and violins."
Sorry for tye bad crop its hard to edit on phone for me.
I feel sorry for basketball players who can't go on vacation
Because they can't Travel.
I'm sorry, but I'm extremely proud of this one, and nobody in the chat found it funny =(
"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers."
A time traveller walks into a bar.
An American, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, a Burmese, a Chinese, a Canadian, a Dutchman, a Dane, an Englishman, an Estonian, a German, a Japanese, a Korean, a Mexican, a Nepalese, a Pole, a Russian, and a Welshman all walk into a posh bar. The doorman says sorry, we have standards.
You can’t come in without a Thai.
Sorry,I don’t speak Mandarin.
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
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