My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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After watching me read β€œWar and Peace”, my son asked me, β€œDad, why is the book so thick?”

Me: Well, it’s ......a long story.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2020
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I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 18 2020
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a wise man once said "thick thighs saves lives"

https://preview.redd.it/m5ilmigjv4v51.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ce48ec5cbcddbacbbaf121aed97c0585e6467cda

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/drakenozzypage
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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I was reading a novel earlier when my daughter came up to me and asked why the book was so thick.

It’s a long story.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 27 2020
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What do you call an extra thick plant?

Stocky

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MatWhitehead
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 04 2020
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I’m thick where it counts

On the scale

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Trevhaar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2020
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Why did the bartender get fired?

For doing a pour job.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HuecoTanks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 14 2020
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What do you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

You seakelp

πŸ‘οΈŽ 391
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DeanStillYeets
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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Santa and the elves are drinking around the fire and one of the elves says:

β€œSanta: you’ve been around since the 4th century, seen alphabets and languages rise and fall. Do you have a favorite letter?”

Claus thinks about it, scratches his thick white beard and says: β€œA B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z”

β€œWell Santa, I just asked for one. What does that mean?”

β€œAnd I gave you one! My favorite letter of the alphabet is the most Christmasy one out there! No-L!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IsCaptainKiddAnAdult
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. β€œDaddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.

β€œIt’s long story,” replies the father.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2020
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Some say my soup is too thick and I'm too pessimistic

I just don't put a lot of stock in soup.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mildmannered
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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My buddy gets all the girls. I watched him work once. He approached a lady and said, "girl, you remind me of a thick, creamy beverage made from raw fruit, vegetables, and sometimes dairy products, typically pureed using a blender!"

He's such a smoothie talker.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2020
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Is it probable to choke on a thick steak?

I guess the steaks are high.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrHollowed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2020
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Lost my bread knife the other day..

I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sterntoothz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 16 2020
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Daughter: Dad, how thick do you think a giant’s thumb would be?

Me: i’d say it’ll be gigan-thick!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dasherjim
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2019
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Chub-bee
πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DevangAbhyankar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
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Gandhi

Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Aw8nf8
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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I read the word "daring" in a thick font.

I thought, "That's bold."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2019
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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My yard's overrun with weeds so thick they broke my mower.

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 02 2019
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β€œBoss, I’m not coming in today. I woke up this morning and found that I grew a thick beard and have a turban on.”

Boss: What?

Man: Yes, I’m calling in Sikh.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2019
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Do you know how to calculate the volume of a pizza with a radius of Z and a thickness of A?

Pi * Z * Z * A

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/czeslavo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2019
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Why, it's a group of thick-skinned, hoofed animals.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/glitterfuzz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2019
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What name do you give to a bulletproof Irishman?

Rick O'Shae

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2020
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I'd just like to thank my legs for supporting me through thick and thin.

And my arms for being by my side for all these years.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2019
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My corneas are not thick enough for a LASIK surgery

"Not on the thin eyes." The surgeon said.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MogolianShrimp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2019
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U2 is having a concert in northern Ireland.

Halfway through the show, the music stops and Bono stands middle stage clapping his hands every few seconds. "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies" Without missing a beat, from somewhere in the front of the crowd a man bellows out in a thick Irish accent: "Well stop fucking doing it ya evil bastard!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/facts_my_guyy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work

She must have called in thick

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jacktheskier13
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2018
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Why did my computer screen freeze

Cause it didn’t have a thick enough coat

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MOTHERFUCKINDOOMGUY
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2020
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I heard that there’s an Australian tea harvested from the tops of Eucalyptus trees

It’s pretty high koala tea

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2019
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A man walks down the street carrying a piece of scaffolding on his shoulder....

A guy across the street yells to him "Hey mate, are you a pole vaulter?"

So the first guy shouts back "No, actually I am originally from Austria but how did you know my name is Walter?"

(You've got to lay the accent on quite thickly for the last part)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/clarknova77
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 23 2019
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From the 2020 SAT, geometry section: A farmer is welding parts in his barn. He wants to cut four bars of equal length from two lengths of iron rebar measuring 16 feet, 8 inches and 5 feet, 10 inches. How much material will be discarded? Bonus: where will the rebar, once welded, go for a good time?

A square dance

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dadacolt45
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2019
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Do you know why black guys like thick thighs?

They hate apart thighs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/licktapus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 17 2015
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Never make fun of fat girls with lisps.

They're thick and tired of it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2018
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How to propose an asian who likes puns.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DSpeed4s
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2019
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Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company

The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BF1gamerz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2019
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Dad, why is that book so thick?

It's a long story..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RalGard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2020
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Son : Why is the book so thick?

Dad : It's a long story

From r/Technicallythetruth

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sbeve_be
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2020
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My son asked me why the book I was gonna read him is so thick...

I told him It's a long story

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Joker6983
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 27 2020
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Son: dad, why is this book so thick?

Dad: it’s a long story.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pumqin-Pie
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2020
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Why is that book so thick?

Well, it's a long story...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/singh-avi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2019
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